Thursday, August 30, 2012

Skyfall

Mourning Doves


Skyfall


High on the wire I watch the dove
pleat her feet to sit on the sky.
Balanced on faith or skill, she cannot fall.

Deep in winter I'm wrapped in fall;
in summer, the spring nests of doves.
On earth I see fire, in water sky

where lovers rose on waves, blue sky
so thick before the faith met fall
and lost the certainty of doves.

Doves swim the deep sea sky; we only fall.

~August 2012


flight








Posted for    FormForAll  at dVerse Poets Pub
Samuel Peralta hosts today's form session at the pub ,on the tritina. The tritina is a shorter variation of the sestina, and Samuel explains it all better than I can at the link above.







Header image: Mourning Doves, by Seabarium on flick'r
Footer image:  Flight, by EssjayNZ,  on flick'r
Shared under a Creative Commons License.


38 comments:

  1. Ah, lovely. I love the pleated feet especially. And the fall and dove and "the sky is falling" aspects all work just terrifically. I especially like seeing sky in water. I must run so I'm sorry to be so incoherent. Lovely poem. k.

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    1. You know I was thinking of that problem of clarity and how readers read and yesterday, I'd gone for the lack of clarity option - choosing sound over clarity--not that the meaning was not correct, but it was just a more awkward word usage if the poem was not heard and I did not have time to try to record it so changed it last night - changing "that" at the end for "what" - the "that" was supposed to be a noun, but it's a confusing word for people when used in that manner. (Ha.) This is at the end of the poem - but I had liked the weight of it as opposed to "what" - (it was "that I saw" as opposed to "what I saw." (But, 'that' as a noun.)

      I don't know how you punctuate that to make it clear and I think it's a more old-fashioned usage of that. Anyway, the whole point of this, is I can see that readers since understand the end much better--or like it better.

      So the point of all this - so sorry to burden you with long comment - is that I have to keep reminding myself to keep audience in mind - who are not reading with my voice, who can't intuit my emphasis - etc. Of course, I think you do this, and your images are powerful enough that even if someone can't completely follow the flow they are moved. k.

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    2. Finally got this to post--seems to be some lag issue with blogger on comments of late. AFA clarity, I think it's a toss up sometimes, but important; but I also think the older usages (that) are harder to get across--had the same thing going in Quills, where I had the semi-colon in the third stanza followed originally by 'so the child came back at her'--finally added the 'just' because 'so' is read much differently now days---sooo, (:_)) I totally understand where you're coming from here.

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  2. I love that each stanza is a different nuance, keeping to the subject but viewing each: the birds, the sky and fall as metaphor -- through a separate prism. So many novels turns throughout. Breath taking.

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  3. Oh, this is one of my favorites. The dove is one of my totems and this year we've had 2 sets of babies on our front porch (although, they are messy nest builders.) I love how you worked with the form and came up with such gorgeous images that didn't feel "form-driven."

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  4. This is so beautiful, Joy... I especially like the first stanza.

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  5. blue sky
    so thick before the faith met fall
    and lost the certainty of doves...wow...really like how you laid this out...progressing from the downs and their secutity to you to blending them nicely in the bit i quote...really nice hedge...much better than mine in a blender...haha...

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  6. This takes my breath away. So many things, but especially the near parallel wordings in the first and last stanzas: "she cannot fall" and "we only fall." And, if I had to choose a favorite stanza, it would be the third. You delved so well into 'fall.'

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  7. I'm partial to mourning doves and this poem is so full of a yearning melancholy, it just about breaks my heart--but quietly, gently. I am nobody's form expert, but it seems to me that you've done a beautiful job here, Joy.

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  8. PS--I like your zinnias and morning glories.

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  9. Almost all the tritinas I have been reading are very lyrical. I will have to hop on over to dVerse and see what it is all about! Yours just leaves me breathless and the last line is so full of heavy emotion... yes, I just read Fireblossom... yearning is the perfect word. And Beachanny pointing out the "prism".

    LOVELY!

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  10. Being able to go through the passages. Thinking some. Mostly enjoying the flow. I think about your musical inclination and our last correspondence. A reflection of sorts. For me in snow covered hills. Fire in a water sky.

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    1. time makes you bolder, my friend, so you say what you mean, and sing what you say, hopefully. I think you do, anyway.

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  11. Lovely Hedge specially the second stanza ~ I can see the pattern of the form beautifully displayed in your words ~

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  12. Thank you for the doves! Is it odd that this poem gives me hope? There's fall and fall and fall--all different in meaning, a thoughtful wordplay that lifts this tritina up above its concluding line. This is my favorite observation: "Balanced on faith or skill, she cannot fall." And the narration thrills me with its possibilities and falling certainty--so, I ask, what need faith or skill in swimming in air when sight and insight bring me the spirit of dove? Wrap me in that through the lonely months, and I will keep the certainty of doves.

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  13. So beautiful that is when doves cry; flawless use of the tritina form, bending the 3 words into tender tercets; liked the line, as did Brian /before the faith met fall and lost the certainty of doves/ terrific read, Joy.

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  14. "On earth I see fire, in sky water"...beautiful...love those non-assuming doves...pleating their feet..so pretty.

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  15. You carried the rhythm so well that the form embedded almost invisible for a moment. imagery of the balance wonderfully told ~ Rose

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  16. P.S. That song by the Allman Brothers brought back memories...saw them play live at the Orlando Sports Stadium about a hundred years ago.. :~)

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    1. How cool-wish I could say the same--but I can still listen--one of the most under-rated bands for guitar work ever.

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  17. losing the certainty of doves was what hit me host...the ease to balance, to fly, to sit on those wires...love how you include the seasons as well...however way we read it...wrapped in fall on winter..i like

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  18. Each stanza is so wonderfully done, love the imagery.

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  19. Just Beautiful...
    It would be hard to pick out 'favourite' lines

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  20. really nice tone here. lots of really neat lines as well. Really enjoyed how you maximized what can be created with this form. Thanks

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  21. Lyrical, such an enjoyable read. I especially appreciated the way you played with the key words.

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  22. So melancholy and beautiful. As a metaphor, doves have been used since time immemorial - but you've breathed something fresh here, making them wondrous again, pleating, floating mid-sky, using them as a counterpoint to the reality of life. And I almost forgot that this was a tritina... and that, my dear, is the essence of successfully working in form.

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  23. I love "pleat her feet" and that last line just knocks me out. A beautiful poem.

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  24. Your expertise is evident in each and every line. Nice.

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  25. So many beautiful images woven together here. Wonderful.

    Tony

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  26. That is an amazing sky! I love the way you've woven this comparison. Beautifully done.

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  27. This is just gorgeous! I love how the repeated words change meanings in each stanza, making the poem seem not so repetitive. The images are beautiful but poignantly sad. This is one of my favs.

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  28. Loving is a challenge wrought with risks! If only the ways= the doves did could always happen! Nicely,Joy!

    Hank

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  29. As Samuel says, it's so beautifully woven and written, one forgets the form - and that makes it particularly brilliant ... just gorgeous, truly.

    http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2012/08/desperately-missing-you-who-are-gone.html

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  30. This is potent with gravity. I especially love your seasons shake-up in the second stanza. "Doves swim the deep sea sky" clings to my ears. ~A belated congratulations on your publication of Rebellion!

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  31. I wonder what the dove thinks as she watches you from her perch.

    a beautiful piece. I like the picture of doves swimming in the sky--maybe because every time I've dreamed of flying it was more like swimming through the sky.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg