Sunday, April 26, 2015

Walls



Walls





I'm not good enough at love to understand
this way you have of working undercover,
of fixing and of making things entire
without a self-congratulating mutter;
how all your walls are strong and mine are sand.

The love I understand is more a flyer,
spirit made of air with hollow bones
adept at breaking longer into shorter;
a wind that pulls down trees and tumbles stones
can't see walls or know what they require.

I'm not good enough at love to work with mortar,
make useful shapes from viscous mud and straw.
I only know I'm flightless in your hand,
leaning tired shoulders on the wall
that keeps me safe and caught within its border.



~April 2015











posted for       real toads

Margaret's Play it Again Challenge

I chose the envelope quintet described by Kerry O'Connor 
here.




 Poem 26 for April.


Note: This poem was written this morning, and is offered without normal polishing and editing--apologies, but that's the way the poem goes in April. ;_)








Images: The Watercarrier, 1908, by Eugene de Blaas, Public domain via wikiart.org
Barn wall, copyright 2015 by joyannjones 






19 comments:

  1. Ack, I think this is perfectly perfect as-is. Whew.

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  2. Intensely provoking my mind with thoughts..! :D
    Its absolutely intense! :D Loved it!!
    xoxo

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  3. This is just perfect, i love the how you worked with the metaphor throughout, building those castles of love, but maybe being weightless is better, maybe it should be more like flying a kite. Your form is just perfect for the mood.. I simply have to try this envelope form when I'm finished with sonnets.

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    1. Thanks, Bjorn--I'm sure you would excel at this form, and am enjoying your sonnet corona very much.

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  4. The 'envelope' nature of the rhyme gives the impression of a poetic progression which works at coming full circle. This is beautiful work, with truly memorable lines.

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    1. Thank you Kerry, and thanks for the introduction to this, as to so many of the forms that have helped my writing. Congratulations on the new family member.

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  5. This is beautiful, Joy, and vulnerable in a sweeter way than your Viking chick self usually does. I love this.

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  6. This is really lovely and one that actually works as something of a pair with the shell one, only here the shell is a wall, and actually someone else's, and the bird has flown (as it were) but finds flight is not quite all it is built up as being-- being not a builder of things, but fleeting-- It is a very sweet description of love, which you carry out so beautifully not just with the metaphor but the form, the envelope where one concept links in with another and the terrific interior rhyme. Thanks. A great example of the form, and poetry generally. (I'm sorry to be so late--a rather intense couple of days here.) k.

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    1. No need to be sorry, k--but you are such a faithful reader I do worry that New York has fallen into the sea or something when you are later than usual--I totally understand busy, and appreciate much your insights here.

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    2. Ha. Only a sea of complication! Thanks .k.

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  7. Sadly I relate to the feeling of this beautifully written piece all too well... Far too well. Love it, very much!

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  8. Oh wow! I like how the speaker moved from cataloging their faults to seeing their strengths were something that could be built up upon. And of course all the word choices and contrast between things solid and ethereal really gave it that much more power.

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  9. I love how you captured so much with this form~ I, too want to try this form. -You have shared the haunting quality-which brings raw emotion to the edge. Well done

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  10. It doesn't need polishing and editing...it is beautiful as it stands. I am an expert at cataloging my faults.

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  11. What Susie said. This is the kind of romantic bits I can read all day. It reads like a real heart addressing another, no retentions... just truth. And that image? Perfect!

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  12. Yes. What's strange about love is that it can be yes and no; it holds those together in a force of its own. That wind and wall are equally sustained by it, by each other ... What I love about the TV show "Louie" is that its protagonist is the least able to love to much productive effect -- dude's hopeless -- and yet he knows love. The only ones good at love I think are aliens.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg