Monday, April 11, 2011

Yeast of Eden





Yeast of Eden
(A Shadorma)
Rising high
we're slapped down into
the oven,
rolled in earth,
clods shaken off like sugar,
cargo'd naughts of fate.

April 2011








Posted for Poetry Form Monday at the inimitable OneStopPoetry

Annie Welch is this week's host and she explains the form thus:
"The shadorma is similar to both haiku and tanka, yet it is not of Japanese descent.  It is a 6 lined poem (sestet) of Spanish descent with no set rhyme scheme. The shadorma is a syllabic poem with the following structure: 3/5/3/3/7/5."


Image: Whole Wheat Bread Dough Rising - Donna Diegel
source link (with recipe)
Posted by at
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26 comments:

  1. TALONApril 11, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    Never heard of the shadorma, hedgewitch, but I loved the personification of the loaves. And, bonus, I learned something new today :)

    Is there any style you can't write beautifully? Always a pure pleasure to read your writing.

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  2. ReflectionsApril 11, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    Wow, love where you have gone with this one. The loaves, all the way to 'cargo'd naughts of fate'... wonderful feel. Nicely done on the form. (I wasn't sure I liked mine without punctuation, but was not sure it was allowed within the form.)

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  3. Sherry Blue SkyApril 11, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    "Cargo'd naughts of fate" - wow. You are so skilled at writing in difficult forms. Great job.

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  4. hedgewitchApril 11, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    Thanks all for the graceful compliments. Much appreciated as always.


    @Reflections--that may be an oops on my part--hopefully Annie will check in and correct me if I should have left those commas out. Habit, I'm afraid.

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  5. libithinaApril 11, 2011 at 10:56 AM

    really interesting form ~ enjoyed doing it ~ and so enjoyed your write ~ bread rolls ~ after being 'slapped down' in this raw deal cargo'd naughts of fate. loved w/play on 'yeast of eden' *smiles* ~fabulous ~ Lib ~ @libithina
    ~

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  6. Brian MillerApril 11, 2011 at 11:25 AM

    hehe can not wait to
    see the response the haiku
    queen on this one

    i like my bread...matter of fact will not go to some restaurants...og course there is the allusions of the body broken in bread as well maybe the insp on the yeast of eden which opens up other interpretations of this...nice.

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  7. Brian MillerApril 11, 2011 at 11:25 AM

    dang i missed a syllable...

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  8. hedgewitchApril 11, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    @ Brian, just take the extra one from the first line and tack it to the last and you're good. Not that I know anything about that stuff or ever write it or anything...

    (And shhhh--no need to even bring up the H form. This is a shadorma, I tell ya)

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  9. LolamouseApril 11, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    "Yeast of Eden" Love it!!! You elevate making bread to the realm of the mystical! I can almost smell it-ummmm.

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  10. MargaretApril 11, 2011 at 11:49 AM

    Witty and fun!

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  11. BeachannyApril 11, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Ah the layers and the play on words. Shay may dream of flying, I believe you dream of how words fit together. YOU are the master! Well done.

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  12. MaureenApril 11, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    Excellent writing to the form.

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  13. BrendanApril 11, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    Your shardona (sounds like a song by the Knack)- makes me wonder if heaven's leavened yeast of Eden. Whatever: s'naught for me to prate when Hedgewitch, again, 'tis first-rate: but why "cargo'd" when "cargoed" has no more syllables?

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  14. Maude LynnApril 11, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    Got butter?

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  15. SheilaApril 11, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    nice job...you do have a way with words!

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  16. Dulçe ♥April 11, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    GREAT shadorma!

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  17. Ann GrenierApril 11, 2011 at 3:29 PM

    Amazing how so few words can pack such a punch. You must smile to yourself often :-)Love it as always.

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  18. FireblossomApril 11, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    Hmmf. Haiku. I suppose you're gonna say this is "muh muh muh muh muh myyyy Shadorma" again.

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  19. hedgewitchApril 11, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    Thanks all. I had fun with this one. There were quite a few good ones out there today.

    @FB So that wouldn't work, eh?

    @Ann Thank you much--I do, actually.

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  20. Jannie FunsterApril 11, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    "Nine beautiful mistresses on nine different floors." just caught the bonus words on your sidebar, and glad I did!

    As to Yeast Of Eden, this is pretty darn deep. May we rise to the occasion of this garden, and not end up too stale or too crusty. :)

    xo

    And LOVIN' your pansies. And all garden glimpses.

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  21. hedgewitchApril 11, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Thanks, Jannie. My garden and my scribbling keep me sane. Glad you liked the bonus Hemingway--that one cracked me up. Also his image of Fitzgerald's hell full of "poor polygamists unable to obtain booze or with chronic stomach disorders that they called secret sorrows..."

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  22. patriciacaspersApril 11, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    Yes, I love the layers. Like a good pastry. And Fireblossom's comment cracked me up.

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  23. signed...bkmApril 11, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    What a wonderful write baking earth to words and rolling them in sugar...great work Joy...bkm

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  24. G-ManApril 12, 2011 at 6:31 AM

    Food Poetry....Hmmmmmm
    You've given me an idea.
    Yours was Classic!

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  25. dsApril 14, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    Ha ha! Love this--very clever--"rolling" with laughter, but also impressed by how much you put into those six lines. Thank you.

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  26. Ami MattisonApril 17, 2011 at 10:29 AM

    Funny and quite clever, Hedge! Great job!

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"We make out of the quarrel with others, rhetoric, out of the quarrel with ourselves, poetry." ~William Butler Yeats

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