Saturday, October 8, 2011

Bumper Stickers I Have Known

Bumper Stickers I Have Known
 A broadside

Driving along,
I suddenly see 
 in the middle of the road
an honest politician 
slide to a halt, because

I brake for hallucinations

Signs all over
the neighborhood
sprouting like toxic mushrooms
the day before the elections
for every position from
assistant clerk to congressman

I wonder how  much deeper the ocean would be
without sponges?

Watching the debates
glassy-eyed at the onslaught
of uncut absurdity lightly mixed
with manipulation and tossed
in a dressing of lies,
I seem to hear someone say

You’re just jealous because the
voices only talk to ME!

Can we take your vote,
ignore every reason you
gave it to us, 
vacillate and compromise, 
walk away from change
could believe in,
then ask for it again?

Yes, We Can.


There are only two kinds of Republicans:
Millionaires and Suckers.

I put my head
in my hands 
and sigh,

If assholes could fly
this place would be an airport.

October 2011

Posted for    Poetics   at dVerse Poets Pub
Brian Miller has been inspired by the concept of bumper sticker poetry this week, and is sharing it with the world. If you can jot down a bumper sticker's worth of thoughts, come join us.

Notes: A broadside is defined by dictionary .com as "any strong or comprehensive attack, as by criticism."

Obviously this isn't really much of a poem, but hopefully it's good for a laugh. Text in bold is derived from bumper stickers--that is, I didn't make it up to offend anyone. I've chosen to put them in a political context, and have removed some of the offensive content I originally came up with, but hopefully left enough to still tick somebody off, because I certainly am every time I think about the current state of our polity.


  1. A fantastic, fun read!
    So glad to have stumbled upon your blog through dVerse today!

  2. yes, this was fun. it's amazing what people come up with and put out for the world to see, wait, isn't that also called blogging. ;p

  3. I brake for hallucinations - so good
    loved your political rant hedge - quite some stings in this - wondering how the original version was...haha...even laughed about your intelligent lifeforms...LOL

  4. hahaha it is an awesome poem...hehe and no offense here...i brake for no politicians hallucination or otherwise...ok that is probably a little harsh but i am starting to feel the same about bankers...they need thier profits since the bail out was not enough and now charge us to use our own money...oh dont get me started hedge i could go on and on...

  5. lol ...oh, I know the feeling! I groan everytime there's an election "the signs sprouting like toxic mushrooms" ~ don't they just? ;)

  6. I'm laughing. One of the funny things my sister said when she was dying of pancreatic cancer was: "At least I won't have to live through all the campaign crap."

  7. I don't have a bumper to put bumper stickers on!

    This was hilarious, Ms. Witch.

  8. I SO LOVE THIS!!!!! Especially the assholes-airport one!

  9. Lots of fun here! Gosh, I had thought the voices spoke only to me. LOL.

  10. Many thanks all--this was harder than I ever would have thought. Glad you are enjoying my sick sense of humor.

    We're getting some thunderstorms here (finally!) so my PC is going off for the duration. I'll be back tomorrow to make the rounds.

  11. Such quick wit! I definitely snorted, grumbled, and growled, very nice.

  12. Ha! The asides are wonderful.

  13. Really fun write. The tone is great and I love the direction you took with the prompt, thanks-great read

  14. I am offended by your removal of potentially offending content!

    This is hilarious.

  15. The slogans seem to fit in nice in expressing the frustration. Enjoyed it. :)

  16. Yeah, it all gets to be a bit overwhelming for me, and then I just tune them all out. After too much, it all seems like nonsense, and a great deal of it is anymore. Too bad politics wasn't like an etch a sketch that we could accidentally drop on purpose. Oops! Now, we have to start over and make something decent, lol :)

  17. What an incredible piece of satire this is - the humour of the bumper stickers off-set the very real social commentary. Excellent work.

  18. The most fun read yet. I think I'll be paying more attention to bumpers from now on.

  19. ha - funny stuff. I like the one about sponges in the ocean :)

  20. Heehee... I brake for hallucinations! Oh! I love it.


  21. it is frustrating watching the two kinds of republicans. there are those who are very wealthy and vote their economic interests with the party, and there are those who vote against their economic interests becuz they have fallen sucker to the values, er, distraction issues.
    fun, fun read:)

  22. I started laughing at the first refrain.
    Great write...

  23. What a creative take on the prompt! And yes, yes, yes, I agree with the sentiments of this awesome poem. The political scene is a zoo and leaves a lot to be desired. But, with all its kinks and flaws, it's hard to believe that it works better than some.

    Just want to apologize for my absence lately. I love what you do here and don't always have a chance to leave a comment.

  24. HA HA HA this is so good and so funny. you did a good job of taking bumper stickers (henceforth called BS) and tying you lines...wonderful job!

    I really got a kick out of reading this....there is too much BS out there.


  25. "I break for hallucinations" haha, that was terrific, perfectly placed...

  26. I laughed, I cried... =)
    I brake for hallucinations and yes we can... you made me smile with this one.

  27. So freakin' brilliant, this one! Yes, I shall also wait for the voices to tell me which honest politician to vote for next...oh, wait, I will never vote again, then, will I? (PS, would love to read the unedited version, ha!)


"We make out of the quarrel with others, rhetoric, out of the quarrel with ourselves, poetry." ~William Butler Yeats

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