Haunted House
Down the
basement steps of alone
when the
bed began to spin,
things gored
in
on the
mind left behind
with their horns
of tin.
The
walls were softly talking,
the dead
were walking.
In the attic
of glass and bone
the roaches began to roar,
acid pour
brainspangled
light too bright
as ceiling
flipped floor;
when the bullet ate the gun
the house came undone.
~October
2012
Posted
for real toads
Sunday
Mini-Challenge
Kerry
asks us to work with a seven line, counted syllable stanza used by Paul
Laurence Dunbar, and with a seasonal theme. For full explanation of the form, see Kerry's excellent
exposition at the link above.
Image: (c) Isadora Gruye, of the Nice Cage blog
Used
with permission
Perfectly spooky, which for me only arises with brushes against the real and concrete - can feel the crackle of the roaches here upstairs amidst that too-bright light. I should say scattering - I've had some kitchens like that I'm ashamed to say. And love the basement steps of alone. Basements are like that. They couple with alone. Great verbs here by the way and fits form. k.
ReplyDeleteOooh! This is so cool. The rhythm is so fluid throughout both stanzas - no mean feat - and the rhymes seem effortless. I loved the horns of tin and the attic of glass and bone.
ReplyDeleteI love this Hedge
ReplyDeleteRekindled memories of my own
The rhyming is exquisite~spot on
And yes basement stairs seem the alone~est of places.
The ceiling flipping reminded me of the line from "whiter shade of pale"
"as the ceiling flew away"
Well done!
Thanks rick, yes, that's the reference I was going for.
Deletewhen the bullet ate the gun, ha nice turn of phrase that....sounds a rather spooky place. made all the more so by your rhythm in this hedge...lots of cool textures too...hope you are not too sore from all the gardening yesterday....
ReplyDeleteThis is some haunted house! Dunbar, yes .. shades of Poe as well (for me.)
ReplyDeleteRoaring roaches, brainspangled light and bullets that eat the guns they came from...that's haunted, indeed.
ReplyDeleteNo form scares our Hedge, though.
These spooky and unexpected images in basement and attic would make a great film. Seriously. Keep the screams in the audience, where the house has been undoning. Guns removing themselves could actually reverse the process.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely and wonderfully frightening. The walls talking, the attic of glass and bone....AND you put it all into a difficult form and made it look easy. Fantastic writing, Hedge! Love it.
ReplyDeleteYou had me running scared with the roaches! Spooky perfect!
ReplyDelete"the basement steps of alone" — what a scary phrase. It reminds me of the cellar we had when we were children. I was terrified to go down there when Mom sent me to get something.
ReplyDeleteWe have a cellar now, and I've never been down there, because I can't negotiate the ladder pretending to be stairs.
A perfectly October kind of poem you've written here, Hedge. Great work.
K
oooh, I love how spooky yours is~ Spectacular fun~
ReplyDeleteYou did make it look easy~ Love it :D
My favorite is, "as ceiling flipped floor," I just love the idea of everything flipping upside down!!
ReplyDeleteGreat work with this form...your rhyme is super subtle and natural!
Wow, that's great and creepy and surprising. And, I had a hard time with the form...you make it look effortless!
ReplyDeleteIf roaches began to roar around me... now that would be the spookiest situation ever.
ReplyDeleteyikes, yikes! the basement steps of alone.... DON'T GO DOWN THERE!
ReplyDeleteThis is freaky awesome! You really do know how to create a haunted house. The form really lends itself to this kind of spooky write.
ReplyDelete"No form scares our Hedge, though." I must agree with that! Adore "Down the basement steps of alone"... 40+ years later, I still become a toddler shivering and so very afraid!
ReplyDelete