Scapegoat
Don't go
near that girl, the old women cried.
Her
slant-eyed look
dried
her mother's milk;
sister
died.
There's
something wrong inside.
She's
dangerous.
Yes, now--
changeling child of lies.
~October,
2012
Posted
for real toads
Challenge:
Words Count with Mama Zen
The mistress of le mot juste, Mama Zen,
asks us to present a tale of conflict in thirty words or less. Yeesh--makes 55
words look lavish.
Image: A Peasant Girl with Dog and Jug, Thomas Gainsborough
Public domain, via wikipaintings.org
Great write Joy! So much in this story I think--
ReplyDeleteYes, you have managed to tell an entire story in under 30 words and left us something to think about: the destructive effect of age-old superstitions on individuality.
ReplyDeletemakes me think of children of old that were born with birth defects or slant eyes and how they would have been treated or the stigma around them...really cool all the story you were able to get out of the few words...
ReplyDeleteThis is so incredibly sad, I just want to cry. The things people say without thinking how their words can ruin lives...
ReplyDeleteYour words, here, might have the opposite effect. At least, I hope so.
K
Oh. I want to wrap my arms around that child. My mother's heart wants to go to battle. I hope Galen doesn't see what can be done with 30 words or less!
ReplyDeleteOh, this is sad. You told volumes in this short write. It seems to have struck a chord in everyone.
ReplyDeleteah, i like this, so minimal, and packed with all the right elements. and wow, what a brutal stare.
ReplyDeletehey, no more recordings? that's a bummer.
I haven't abandoned the recordings--they shall return when my back gets better. Thanks for asking, wood, and for reading.
DeleteGood luck with the back btw! I am always amazed that people can get those recordings together. You do yours very well, agree with wood. k.
DeleteThank you, k. --it takes me several hours to record a decent clip...The back is really rebelling today so will be down for the count until it improves, I'm afraid.
DeleteIdle minds combined with wagging tongues do a lot of damage, often to those who are blameless.
ReplyDeleteLovely weaving of the story Hedge ~ I am struggling with this prompt...argh....
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard one, Grace--I used all thirty words and still had to slice and dice it.
DeleteA Clear and Wild story/poem. And what if she's right? I have met more wicked children than wicked old women. Yet one is the "changling child of lies." And even old women were children once . . .
ReplyDelete?????
DeleteSorry. In response to your poem, I wondered if it could be the old woman who is the liar either now or once upon a time. That's all. (I have odd humor.)
DeleteYou poem reads like a novel! Amazing ....
ReplyDeleteGreat/terrible story. Short not sweet. Chicken before the egg? Nature/nurture? Meanness hurts. k.
ReplyDeleteI've always liked people who marched to the beat of a different drummer. You got to pick up every stitch....you got pick up every stitch....must be the season of the witch....must be the season of the witch. Great video. I can tell your feeling the spirit of the season.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Scott.There were a lot of choices for that song, but I thought the old silent film was cool. Glad you enjoyed, and yes, this is my favorite season.
DeleteOh, this is wicked cool!
ReplyDeleteThis is well done and enchants and shocks~
ReplyDeleteHow hauntingly good it is~
:D
It's sad that a child is blamed for the woes afflicting the family.Seen this happened on 2 occasions. The child's named was changed believing it was cursed. A more drastic one was the giving away of the child for adoption.
ReplyDeleteHank
You were able to convey so much detail and character in so few...I'm reeling! I think I need to "do-over!" Lol! Well written, Hedge!
ReplyDeleteLove the closing lines and the two lines set apart at the end....visually and physically the way it causes a pause...works. :)
ah, yes, so much coming across in a mere thirty words! the first three or four months i was writing only micropoetry; now i think i've forgotten how. {smile}
ReplyDeleteenjoyed this, dear hedge!
♥
Such an emotional story with so few words!
ReplyDeletePoor changeling child. You told her tale so well. I love the image too.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone--back is worse today, so sorry not to be able to return comments yet--but I will as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteSorry your back is feeling so bad. Hasn't affected your writing talent, however! Great story in such a few words!
ReplyDelete(((((Joy Ann)))))
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hugs, G--sorry to miss twice in a row.
DeleteThat sent shivers down my spine. I hope the back is getting better. Back pain is the bane of my life, so you have my heartfelt sympathy.
ReplyDeletehey thinking of you and hoping the back slips back into shape soon for you...
ReplyDeleteMe too. Just checking in. Hope all is well from back to front/tip to toe. k.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the sympathy, viv--that's always welcome, and thanks for checking in, K and bri--I am still a bit hors de combat and am trying to rest the back as much as possible. Really appreciate your thoughtfulness. I may try to post something tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteSo powerful -- you say so much with so few words!
ReplyDeleteTerse. Line breaks underscored it well.
ReplyDeleteSorry I have not been around, and then to read that you have been down really saddens me. I hope your back is fully healed by the end of the month. Use your level 65 Druid specialties in conjunction with doctor's orders, and you should beat this bummer.
ReplyDeleteI loved the poem, btw!
conflict and foreshadowing. cool write. aloha.
ReplyDelete