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| by DvoraV |
Papier-mâché
It
started the other day
and
dripped over tomorrow
from
the bottomless bottle:
the syrup of Sanctimony,
the
wine of Denial
the milk of Monotony
the
sweet juice of Ego,
seeping.
Tomorrow's edges
curled
in the damp and melted away,
papier-mâché pulp-shaped to another day.
Stark karma
they say, or the wages of sin,
the
white worm within; where everything's
stolen, having
nothing is earned. So drink
by all means--drink again, but leave me dry.
~February
2013
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| © Isadora Gruye |
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Sunday Mini-Challenge: 14 Liners
Isadora Gruye of The Nice Cage blog lends her striking photographs to Kerry O'Connor 's challenge: 14 line poems, sonnets or otherwise. This is an otherwise, but I include a previously written and flawed sonnet , massively REwritten for this challenge (and for fun.)
Thanks, ladies, for getting me to finally clean up this one:
New Year's Sonnet
Will New Year bring a pair of secateurs
to deadhead all my wild-seed elflock flowers,
unfinished blooms of rainbow, these my fleurs
du mal et de bonheur in columned hours
du mal et de bonheur in columned hours
tossed into a loathesome braided trug
of blades, composted in forgetting dryrot heat,
or bring a plague of wasps to buzz in my mug
so each sip's a sting to a thirst long incomplete?
But I dream he comes, his arms full up with days
his pale star hands seed-scattering in the skies;
with a quirk and puff of dawn’s seducing ways
to bring the wine of a kiss without goodbyes,
a song on the moon, a sigh you can’t conceal
that opens the flower, feeds and makes it real.
~December 2011
Hi Joy -- both beautiful poems and interesting as a pair, though don't know if you intended that. The first is very stark and strong - Yikes - all those different beverages! Very well imagined - and really kind of awful to think of each day formed of the last's leavings - though of course that is true the papier mache idea makes it kind of indigestible! My favorite line is where having nothing is earned, as this seems to me a bit of a Koan - to be able to have nothing something that seems to come from a very long - make it a lifetime - of meditative work. I'm afraid I would not have the courage of your last line = as I'm still very strongly suckling on all that seepage -
ReplyDeleteThe sonnet also about passage of time and attempt at renewal (without this big burden of the past) it seems to me. Trug is such a great word - and new to me - I kept reading it as braided rug first, which didn't quite make sense - such a great word for this, and gives the double-edge to the blades. Mug too very fun - as you get both meanings in - the cup and the face - I think, given the touch of satire (and again a link to other poem)--but then you switch to this very traditional level which is so sweet with the seed guy - he seems to me a mandrake root sort of person - (I'm thinking Donne) - I'm not sure the New Year is going to qualify as that kind of guy, frankly! But you certainly make it sound worth the wait. k.
I love the three opening lines of your free verse in 14 lines. I like the way the ideas flow down the lines - very 'liquid' - until the strong conclusion in the final 4 lines.
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued by the layout of your sonnet, with an octave of classic design, followed by a stanza break into quatrain and again into couplet. I find it gives added emphasis to the latter part of the poem. For me, the imagery is simply amazing:
But I dream he comes, his arms full up with days
his pale star hands seed-scattering in the skies...
I just love this idea and the way the poem spins out to the end.
dang...really like that first one hedge...so many good twists of phrase...Stark karma they say, or the wages of sin,
ReplyDeletethe white worm within; where everything's
stolen, having nothing is earned....particularly that last one, having nothing is earned....really i could quote back the whole thing...tight closure on it as well....
Ooo...your first with all the awesome sound play...especially "wine of denial" and "milk of monotony!!"
ReplyDeleteAnd how true of the first too, that the actions of yesterday...bad karma flowing following...ugh...this is so true.
Excellent poem.
I loved that picture, too!! It has a real old western feeling to it...great black and gray contrasts.
"a plague of wasps to buzz in my mug
so each sip's a sting to a thirst long incomplete?"
Wow. This is so vividly present and your last two lines are perfect...so much longing fulfilled.
Beautiful writing, Hedge!!
Lovely offering Hedge ~ I specially like these lines:
ReplyDeletepapier-mâché pulp-shaped to another day.
Stark karma they say, or the wages of sin,
the white worm within
As to the second one, I specially like the last two lines ~
Great match of poem to image in 'Papier-mâché' ~where emptiness is a virtue!
ReplyDeleteIt does seem like there's an emptying in the first poem, then the possibility, at least, of filling in the second. I love the idea of the new year beginning with a pair of secateurs.
Wow! I will never look at glue and paper the same.
ReplyDeleteWe try to shape our days, but it seems we only ply layer upon existing layer. Awesome write, hedgewitch. And an awesome photo for inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI loved the Papier-mache piece - I may never think of papier-mache as inanimate again.
ReplyDeleteOh boy. The same person wrote both, but I would say it was the same person in very different places. You say it is very flawed, but I love the second one best, and in fact, read it first. I love the French, and the "pale star hands". If I had written it, I would lean back and feel that I had done well, so if that's your rework pile, then I just don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteAll this is not to say that I didn't like the newer version. I do. I love the title metaphor, and the way you wrapped it up. It's resigned, but strong, not an easy combination to feel or to convey.
PS--I hate you. :-P
2 for 1. The Papier-mache one was so fluid and flowing just like the words you used.
ReplyDeletei'm inclined to just holler OVERACHIEVER! and run away.... but instead i'll say, yes, wonderful to both. i really love your free-verse 14 lines, especially the notion of "the sweet juice of ego seeping."
ReplyDeleteGreat writing. I especially like the first poem, though the second is also very well written.
ReplyDeleteWow JOY, these are both enchanting!
ReplyDeleteI need a bottle of that...lol
I love these lines:
"his arms full up with days
his pale star hands seed-scattering in the skies;
with a quirk and puff of dawn’s seducing ways"
Profound ;D
The "milk of monotony." Doesn't that just say it all?
ReplyDeleteThe second poem is just layer upon layer of lovely. The second stanza is perfection.
Papier-mache is exquisite - the first two lines I fell in love with and I just embraced the rest! All the lines mentioned above "ditto" here.
ReplyDelete"a song on the moon, a sigh you can’t conceal" ... I think I'll dream me some of that!