Saturday, May 19, 2012

Unspecial Delivery

starstruck


Unspecial Delivery

One
night it
arrived, a
perfect package    
though so many are damaged in transit.

The carrier ignored the sharp return
to sender scrawled
resenting
on the
face.

In
deep black
two stars fall
overnighted
express, and still she sees only junk mail.




April~May 2012





Karin Gustafson hosts this weekend, and she's asked us to pick a profession and write a poem using the verbs associated with it--or using an occupation as a springboard. I have sort of mixed up the whole prompt with a Cuisinart, using the terms of a postal worker's lot at random.


and for    real toads

Kerry's Mini Form Challenge: Tetractys
Quoting Kerry: "Tetractys, a syllable counting form invented by Ray Stebbing, consists of at least 5 lines of 1, 2, 3, 4, 10 syllables (total of 20). Tetractys can be written with more than one verse, but must follow suit with an inverted syllable count." This is a triple one.





Photo: starstruck, by kiera faye, on flick'r
Shared under a Creative Commons License



34 comments:

  1. I found this just achingly sad. And, of course, you kicked the form's (bridge of) ass.

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    1. Ha! You slay me, girl. Thanks much.

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  2. When I took journalism classes, ages ago, we were taught a term called "semantic noise", which means, as I recall, that even though a message can be presented perfectly well, it can still be misunderstood by the recipient. This poem would seem to me to capture a certain semantic noise of the heart or spirit. Such a blindness, or deficit of kindness, can cripple not only the one who harbors it, but those delivered to their doorstep, too.

    I LOVE that final stanza.

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  3. Interesting form. Fits the emotion of the poem well. I like it!

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  4. "In deep black two stars fall" - so so beautiful, especially as a backdrop to the emotions of the rest of the poem. You aced the form!

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  5. Very interesting. I love your understatement and ellipsis. I tend always to over=explain--I'd like to blame it on being an attorney, but I think it's probably a hamster sort of consciousness. But, enough of that!

    For me, the strongest part of this poem is the "resenting on the face." This causes such a double-take. One understands, but still stumbles, and has to read and think. Think! That's wonderful. K.

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    1. Well, terse little syllable counting short forms like this kind of *force* one to not over explain, so I can't take much credit there. That's one of the reasons I like them, as I too can get pretty convoluted at times.This was a great prompt, Karin--thanks--I was so stuck I couldn't write anything the last few days, so I'm especially grateful.

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  6. nice..i like how you fold in the postal terminology, which may carry its own layer to the verse...smiles...i like the middle stanza the best as well resenting fits perfect, the sent in the middle playing off the mail as well...the perfect package and still only junk mail...a bit sad you know...

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  7. It can be utterly frustrating to see nicely packed parcels that are spoiled or even intentionally rifled. No reason for these to happen other than acts of dishonesty. Great write Joy!

    Hank

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  8. Of course you would do three (and it took me near an hour to think up ONE) - Yes, you are usually very "wordy" - in a good way, but you seem to adapt quite well with this limited word challenge! :)

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  9. I love everything about this: the poem itself, of course, the photo and the form, which could be another cure for the writing blahs. I'd have to say, it worked for you.

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  10. very melancholy - masterful write

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  11. oh this is sad...he took two steps, delivering even if difficult and ignoring the return to sender on her face and still she can't see his love...the form works good as well...wondering what happened to her that she sees only junk mail...maybe too many of those parcels that looked good on first sight but then didn't carry real value...see...you make me think with this...smiles

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  12. I love a poem that suggests a whole untold story behind it - it's like a novel I might have read.

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  13. Excellently worked out, both in terms of the challenge and the poem in its own right.

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  14. The perfect package, though so many are damaged in transit.... Oh aren't they (we) just?! Really enjoyed this and whilst not much of a technician myself (one of my inadequacies) I can certainly appreciate the form here.

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  15. Love the wave of dramatic crescendos directed by this poetic form! So many tangles of communication wrapped up in a neat poetic package!

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  16. Love the packaging of this poem. I like the different perspectives of the carrier, and the receiver ~

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  17. Truly a sadness here. Loved how you mastered the form.

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  18. I felt the sadness...a lot going on under the surface in this poem.....masterful, as ever :)

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  19. So beautfiul, yet chillingly sad.

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  20. Sad but powerful .. love the last stanza

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  21. Oh, this is so beautifully sad. It tells a tragic story in such a few words. I love your word choice. Everything about this is just perfect.

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  22. Wow, that third stanza is gorgeous and smart; I especially love "deep black / two stars fall / overnighted." We are never satisfied or excited over what we have; only what's yet to come. Nothing is ever good enough.

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  23. oh, this made me swallow hard. ouch.

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  24. Multi-faceted thoughts and emotions .. in a form that celebrates 'spare.' Loved this!!

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  25. Very very interesting poem. Loving the form...never seen that before - like it. I don't know why...but your poem made me think of childbirth...hw some parents give birth to the most amazing creations (deliveries) ever...yet some seem to struggle - they resent them- see them as junk....this poem saddened me but then slapped me in the face- this shit happens - just made me think about what fuck ups people can be sometimes- sorry if I'm missing the point....but this evoked a powerful feeling in me...and questions ...fantastic as ever (why do I always want to call you hedge hedge?)

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    1. hedge hedge works for me--I'm a fairly redundant sort of person--you got my poem exactly stu--I coded it a bit to make it less personal, but the original free verse scribble was all about that--so great read and catch of the stuff that matters.Thanks.

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  26. Sad how some will never see the bright side of life. This form was tended to very efficiently and with emotion. I enjoyed this, Hedge, thank you!

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  27. Say's so much in few words... so many sad stories come to mind.

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  28. I love this...the emotions come through so clearly...the story told so well with your (few) chosen words.

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  29. So good, and touches the soul and makes us wonder what perfect parcels we reject as junk mail ourselves...well done!

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  30. Very sad piece here. The photo works very well with it.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg