Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Damned

newstan




The Damned


Alone under the concrete dome,
dead smell of piss at the newstand of bliss
but Aquaman lives. Superman forgives 

Come mind your sisters. Watch out for the misters
except for this one, and he’s never done. 

Run at the sky, trying to fly
don’t mind the paincoming, falling is numbing.
Paint out the screams, bruises, bad dreams. 

Come home, don’t you go. The neighbors will know. 
Don't playact, don't shudder, don’t you love your mother?



~June 2012, revised January 2013



play time



posted for   real toads

Challenge: Words Count with Mama Zen
The challenge today is to write 'the hard stuff;' something normally avoided because it's just too difficult to deal with, and to keep it to 75 words or less.  This was originally a much much longer poem I never expected to post.




Header image: newstand,  by dickuhne, on flick'r
Footer image: play time, by deszedol, on flick'r
Shared under a Creative Commons license


22 comments:

  1. I'd say you aced the challenge. Well said...stabbing, memorable ...painful little piece!

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  2. nice...lyrical joy...its got a bumping rhythm to it...love the superhero references as well...aquaman always got the short end of the stick in my opinion...might be the green and orange outfit, but i digress...paincoming is an interesting phrase, i like...mother child stuff is def in the not easy category...

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  3. Well... I get this. Especially the bit about neighbors and love as manipulation. You many not like doing this, but your damned good at it.

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  4. This opens a whole can of worms. My reading suggests many awful levels of child abuse - and that's a topic I would find impossible to turn to poetry, as you have done so bravely. There is an understated ironic tone, which makes the pill very bitter to swallow.

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  5. This is sickening, as well it should be. Talk about hard to write...this must have been murder. It's unflinching, unsparing and as sharp and unsettling as a slap in the face.

    You know I know how tough these are to write. It takes a special kind of bold courage to do it. Courage that some others, who once had dominion over us, completely lacked.

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  6. really really awful, which means brilliant of course

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  7. hard to comment. much harder to write, i know. thank you for sharing. xoxo

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  8. incredibly tight. the last line is gripping and your title is most courageous of all.

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  9. Wow, that is a tough one, Joy. Well done, in spite of the subject matter. I finally had a chance to visit. I seem to have so little time lately.

    Pamela

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  10. Very painful. It could be dammed as well as damned - both as in the big block, and also the feminine sense of dam - I found the second line especially effective - I can picture that kind of hiding very well - at least it is vividly described here - so painful but well done, and wonderful ominous moaning sounds too. k.

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  11. This was my favorite section, especially the part about the mister never being done and the word "paincoming":

    "Watch out for the misters
    except for this one, and he’s never done.

    Run at the sky, trying to fly
    don’t mind the paincoming, falling is numbing.
    Paint out the screams, bruises, bad dreams."

    Your last few words made me cry. I felt that you were headed in the direction of abuse, especially when I saw the little girl's picture out of the corner of my eye. But when I read "mother," the tears came and I immediately thought "of course." Mother must make things okay, no matter the cost.

    The way she wants to protect her child from everyone but the father. We'll forgive these little indiscretions because he's Daddy and we love him. We can pretend it never happened, over and over again.

    Oh Hedge. I almost can't handle this. But you've handled the subject masterfully.

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  12. This made me shudder... especially:

    Run at the sky, trying to fly
    don’t mind the paincoming, falling is numbing.
    Paint out the screams, bruises, bad dreams.

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  13. This is lovely Hedge ~ A difficult topic for me to write too but I shudder with each scream, bruises and bad dreams ~

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  14. My heart physically hurts. Hedge you've created something so amazing from such a painful topic. It just breaks my heart... ♥

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  15. I felt a dysfunctional nightmare in one's waking day. YOU embraced this haunting tone, so well....
    It is sad and painful. YOU wrote it well~

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  16. What a painful write, but poetry faces issues we don't like to speak about. Great Piece!

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  17. Hard to read .. anything touching on the subject of child abuse. You managed it beautifully .. direct, keeping it to the point!!!

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  18. This grabs you and makes you look. Brutally brilliant.

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  19. This was a punch in the gut. So raw and real.

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  20. this is a heart-wrenching, gut-churning, powerful piece that knocks the breath out of one's lungs by the end.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg