Two Triolets In September
Bright wasp-stings of light, yellow afternoons
that summer has given, October soon takes
with her quarrel of grackles and pale hunter's moon;
a wasp-sting of cold on a yellow afternoon.
Ferry winds will carry the gold leaf-wing soon.
Forgotten the spinner, the empty web breaks
with a wasp-sting sigh on a yellow afternoon.
What today has given, tomorrow soon takes.
So came the soft touch so soon to be lost
that folds poppies' faces to green nodding skulls,
sealing their seed-thoughts til the first killing frost,
in that last soft light so soon to be lost
where I dance alone with a fluttering ghost
with summer's warm vices consumed and annulled,
with scent of soft smoke so soon to be lost
and the red poppies' faces turned to green skulls.
September 2024
posted for Word Garden Word List~Autumn
at
Images: Oriental Poppies, 1928, © Georgia O'Keefe
Poppies in seed, via internet. Fair Use
SO lovely to read you, Joy. This is beautiful. I love the quarrel of grackles and pale hunter's moon. And, especially, "a wasp-sting of cold on a yellow afternoon." Just gorgeous, and wonderful rhyming.
ReplyDeleteHow skillfully you weave rhythm and rhyme to compose the melancholic yet vivacious tone! So beautifully done.
ReplyDeleteI love all the sensations in this, Hedgewitch!! And there's almost a Persephone / Hades - like dance going on with the "wasp-sting of cold on a yellow afternoon." I always love the scent of smoke in a poem! Is it even an autumn poem without it?! I also love the expression "sealing their seed-thoughts." 🍂🍁
ReplyDeleteI like your use of light in both, and the contrast in your use of it. I love the stings of light in the opening poem, and yet the second, softer triolet is my favorite. In particular, I love your description of the poppies and their "seed-thoughts." Also "summer's vices consumed and annulled." In everything you write, there is always a phrase or word choice that is pure Hedgewitch.
ReplyDelete"Bright wasp-stings of light" What a beautiful line. I so enjoyed your visuals, the use of light, scent, and color. I love poppies and writing them into green skulls is a visual that will remain with me. Gorgeous poetry. It was one I had to read out loud. Thank you
ReplyDeleteBoth triolets are absolutely wonderful Joy and the rhyme is amazing! I especially love the line, with a wasp-sting sigh on a yellow afternoon. Simply gorgeous writing as always!
ReplyDeleteWonderful - I loved the stings of light and cold, and of course the “quarrel of grackles.” But more than anything the poppies. The Triolet form worked beautifully here, the sense of cycle of the seasons, we’ve been here before and before and will be again. Captured so well what we gained and will lose. Some sadness, maybe, but still you are dancing in the end.
ReplyDeleteahhh. reading this makes the skin on my face tingle with little electric shocks. you tap into the evanescent mood of fall with the rhyme and meter reinforcing the imagery. and that first line! this morning, such a sting of light briefly pierced the bougainvillea outside my window.
ReplyDeletegood to read you again, my friend. ~
Thanks, M. I appreciate your reading more than I can say. I had a lot of doubts about this one being all style and no substance. Knowing you got these things from it means a lot to me. Hope all is well with you.
DeleteI think the form helps here, providing a lattice from which your always-well-chosen words can drape and form the rich imagery you've given. as far as me, as the character in Life of Brian remarks, I'm not dead yet :). I've taken almost all of my poems down on my blog, and now am just reposting older pieces as seem to fit dVerse prompts. Perhaps I'll put together a little booklet or some such trifle.
DeleteUnderstand. If I thought my blog got any traffic any more there's a lot I'd take down, too. I'd love to see you do a collection,but I'm a fine one to talk, since I'm far too unmotivated to do anything like that myself. If it weren't for Shay, who coerced me into collaboration on some of her collections, I'd never have a single word out there in book form. Glad to hear you're still hanging in there after the exhausting road you've been down. Best, my friend.
Deletewell, speaking of coercion, would you have any interest in looking over some of my choices and making hard-eyed comments? and it's not like i get a lot of traffic on my site - i don't think my style is attractive to many, and i don't self promote etc. but, i think there might be perhaps a half a dozen people who might want to read a collection of mine. five, if I discount my sister.
DeleteI'd say at least two or three more than that. ;) I'd be happy to have a look. You can find my email link on my blogger profile. Just send me what you want me to see. Titles are fine if they are on your blog.
Deletek. as I get a bit closer I'll contact you. many thanks ~
DeleteYou have really captured the spirit of autumn with your wonderful original imagery! This line blew me away: "a wasp-sting of cold on a yellow afternoon.."
ReplyDelete