Monday, April 11, 2011

Yeast of Eden





Yeast of Eden
(A Shadorma)
Rising high
we're slapped down into
the oven,
rolled in earth,
clods shaken off like sugar,
cargo'd naughts of fate.

April 2011








Posted for Poetry Form Monday at the inimitable OneStopPoetry

Annie Welch is this week's host and she explains the form thus:
"The shadorma is similar to both haiku and tanka, yet it is not of Japanese descent.  It is a 6 lined poem (sestet) of Spanish descent with no set rhyme scheme. The shadorma is a syllabic poem with the following structure: 3/5/3/3/7/5."


Image: Whole Wheat Bread Dough Rising - Donna Diegel
source link (with recipe)

26 comments:

  1. Never heard of the shadorma, hedgewitch, but I loved the personification of the loaves. And, bonus, I learned something new today :)

    Is there any style you can't write beautifully? Always a pure pleasure to read your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, love where you have gone with this one. The loaves, all the way to 'cargo'd naughts of fate'... wonderful feel. Nicely done on the form. (I wasn't sure I liked mine without punctuation, but was not sure it was allowed within the form.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Cargo'd naughts of fate" - wow. You are so skilled at writing in difficult forms. Great job.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks all for the graceful compliments. Much appreciated as always.


    @Reflections--that may be an oops on my part--hopefully Annie will check in and correct me if I should have left those commas out. Habit, I'm afraid.

    ReplyDelete
  5. really interesting form ~ enjoyed doing it ~ and so enjoyed your write ~ bread rolls ~ after being 'slapped down' in this raw deal cargo'd naughts of fate. loved w/play on 'yeast of eden' *smiles* ~fabulous ~ Lib ~ @libithina
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  6. hehe can not wait to
    see the response the haiku
    queen on this one

    i like my bread...matter of fact will not go to some restaurants...og course there is the allusions of the body broken in bread as well maybe the insp on the yeast of eden which opens up other interpretations of this...nice.

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Brian, just take the extra one from the first line and tack it to the last and you're good. Not that I know anything about that stuff or ever write it or anything...

    (And shhhh--no need to even bring up the H form. This is a shadorma, I tell ya)

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Yeast of Eden" Love it!!! You elevate making bread to the realm of the mystical! I can almost smell it-ummmm.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ah the layers and the play on words. Shay may dream of flying, I believe you dream of how words fit together. YOU are the master! Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Excellent writing to the form.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your shardona (sounds like a song by the Knack)- makes me wonder if heaven's leavened yeast of Eden. Whatever: s'naught for me to prate when Hedgewitch, again, 'tis first-rate: but why "cargo'd" when "cargoed" has no more syllables?

    ReplyDelete
  12. nice job...you do have a way with words!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Amazing how so few words can pack such a punch. You must smile to yourself often :-)Love it as always.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmmf. Haiku. I suppose you're gonna say this is "muh muh muh muh muh myyyy Shadorma" again.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks all. I had fun with this one. There were quite a few good ones out there today.

    @FB So that wouldn't work, eh?

    @Ann Thank you much--I do, actually.

    ReplyDelete
  16. "Nine beautiful mistresses on nine different floors." just caught the bonus words on your sidebar, and glad I did!

    As to Yeast Of Eden, this is pretty darn deep. May we rise to the occasion of this garden, and not end up too stale or too crusty. :)

    xo

    And LOVIN' your pansies. And all garden glimpses.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks, Jannie. My garden and my scribbling keep me sane. Glad you liked the bonus Hemingway--that one cracked me up. Also his image of Fitzgerald's hell full of "poor polygamists unable to obtain booze or with chronic stomach disorders that they called secret sorrows..."

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes, I love the layers. Like a good pastry. And Fireblossom's comment cracked me up.

    ReplyDelete
  19. What a wonderful write baking earth to words and rolling them in sugar...great work Joy...bkm

    ReplyDelete
  20. Food Poetry....Hmmmmmm
    You've given me an idea.
    Yours was Classic!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ha ha! Love this--very clever--"rolling" with laughter, but also impressed by how much you put into those six lines. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Funny and quite clever, Hedge! Great job!

    ReplyDelete

'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg