Sunday, October 7, 2012

Name of Water









Name of Water



My lips move in your naming
soft as foam on curling seas.
Summer surf devours promise;
sand dissolves, and liquid, leaves.
Autumn ebbs in the silver moonlight;
I'm left only winter words.


~October 2012




Posted for   real toads
Sunday Mini-Challenge: Sijo
My attempt at a sijo, a form of Korean syllable counting poetry, with groups of alternating phrases. For full details, see Kerry's excellent explanation at the above link.





 Image: Umhalanga Beach, (c) Jaime Clark
Used with permission







29 comments:

  1. Summer is for sissies. Winter words can be the most powerful, and their mistresses the most to be reckoned with.

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  2. Oh this is just an exquisite way to look at the changing of the seasons - from the ocean view, rather than the usual trees. Your choice of words is excellent ('devours', 'dissolves' and 'winter words' instead of woods makes an interesting juxtaposition with the 'leaves' in the line above), and the phrasing flawless. I am very happy you tried this form, and I hope you like it enough to come back to again.

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    1. ^^ This is why Kerry is Head Toad and I just work in the basement laundry on night shift. What a neat comment.

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    2. Yes, it's a wonderful comment and Kerry, I will definitely think about using this form again sometime, thanks for introducing me to it--


      and FB,you can't help it if you don't speak haiku, or sijo or whatever this is. :P

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  3. I was struck that sijo could be expressed through a ballad or a song. I've been listening to thoughts about the relationship of music and poetry. I sang Name of Water. I like the visions and sound.
    It's funny how you don't hear a band for a while, then there is their unmistakable sound. Chrissie Hynde and The Pretenders". A bit of a reminder from them and the Davies boys.

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    1. Thanks, Scott. I also found this a sing-songy sort of form, was humming while writing. I think there's a deep connection between music and poetry. Glad you enjoyed the sidebar music--that 1964 Kinks really took me back to the early 'Mersey' sound (though I think Ray & Dave are London boys) which for a while in my teenage years *was* rock n roll, and Chrissie's cover makes you believe in reincarnation.

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  4. there is so much power in the naming of things...that caught me right of...and then the softness of language, liquid leaves autumn ebbs....paired against the dissolves and devours....really an intriguing short hedge...

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  5. Reading, I forgot the form and entered the sounds, alliteration and assonance too. How powerful to use a form so well that it disappears into its meaning: water with softness and harshness and silver.

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  6. Pretty pretty poem, and agree with Kerry re coolness of using the sea for seasonal change. Don't know the form, but you sure make it look effortless! A few specific points of interest for me - I love the sound of the line with the surf devouring - this is a great assonance.

    But also find that line about sand dissolves, and liquid, leaves. Aha! I am highly impressed by your comma here! I take this as being that the sand leaves (because it's gotten so dissolved and liquidy--that's because of the comma!) so the beach is really kind of eroding under your feet - and yet there's this great double thing going on with good old leaves and autumn etc. Anyway, that comma really does a kind of interesting duty there. (I hope you are laughing with me and not offended here.) I really do like it. k.

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    1. The comma rules, girl--much as sometimes I hate to fiddle with it, I really needed it there, and it obviously came through for me. ;_) I agonized a bit over where to put it--the form is supposed to have a pause in the middle of each lines' syllable groupings, so it was also to enforce that, but mainly to give the meaning you describe--which I'm so glad it did. And thanks so much for the kind words--glad you enjoyed it. It's a new form for me too, but fun to play with.

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  7. I like this very much. Lovely use of words and you got the sijo down I think. I also wrote about the change in seasons--I guess it must be the time of year we're in.

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  8. This is beautiful and expresses the changing seasons so well. I had a bitch of a time with this form! You handle it with aplomb!

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    1. Aplomb! I love that word but never thought I'd have it. Thank you, LM--you made my day.

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  9. Re: your side bar music...I didn't know "Stop Your Sobbing" was an old Kinks song! I thought it was a Pretenders original. Shows what I know!

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    1. That is because you are such a young sprout, my friend.

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  10. I'm left only winter words.

    You really outdid yourself. I want to go erase mine. Sigh....

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  11. Beautiful. "I'm left only winter words."

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  12. I am left only winter words, This is so beautiful. I am with Margaret I think I should erase mine. :)

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  13. "I'm left only winter words." has to be one of THE best lines, ever!

    LOVE this! one would never know this is your first time using the Sijo form. beautiful!

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  14. How beautiful. I keep a file in my laptop titled "Poetry by Others"--special ones that really mean something to me. This one is going there now.

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  15. Love this -- the way each line is perfectly weighted and adds its apt increment of meaning. It's a dazzling little gem, each line a well cut facet!

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  16. From the title (it caught me at FB!) to the last "words" the succinctness is sharp and simultaneously soft, which is your forté. (And I'm one who likes winter water. ;)

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  17. lips, devour, words--and all the s sounds in your middle two lines. delicious. water and words seem to feed each other here.

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  18. Oh, so beautiful, and the last line is perfect, Joy. I love it.
    K

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  19. I just love the feeling in this...going from soft...contrasting with harsh winter...well done on the form, Hegde and I just love, love your opening two:

    "My lips move in your naming
    soft as foam on curling seas."

    Excellent...capturing, sensual.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg