Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Scapegoat






Scapegoat





Don't go near that girl, the old women cried.
Her slant-eyed look
dried her mother's milk;
sister died.
There's something wrong inside.
She's dangerous. 

Yes, now--
changeling child of lies.

~October, 2012





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Challenge: Words Count with Mama Zen



 The mistress of le mot juste, Mama Zen, asks us to present a tale of conflict in thirty words or less. Yeesh--makes 55 words look lavish.





Image: A Peasant Girl with Dog and Jug, Thomas Gainsborough
Public domain, via wikipaintings.org

39 comments:

  1. Great write Joy! So much in this story I think--

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  2. Yes, you have managed to tell an entire story in under 30 words and left us something to think about: the destructive effect of age-old superstitions on individuality.

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  3. makes me think of children of old that were born with birth defects or slant eyes and how they would have been treated or the stigma around them...really cool all the story you were able to get out of the few words...

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  4. This is so incredibly sad, I just want to cry. The things people say without thinking how their words can ruin lives...
    Your words, here, might have the opposite effect. At least, I hope so.
    K

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  5. Oh. I want to wrap my arms around that child. My mother's heart wants to go to battle. I hope Galen doesn't see what can be done with 30 words or less!

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  6. Oh, this is sad. You told volumes in this short write. It seems to have struck a chord in everyone.

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  7. ah, i like this, so minimal, and packed with all the right elements. and wow, what a brutal stare.

    hey, no more recordings? that's a bummer.

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    1. I haven't abandoned the recordings--they shall return when my back gets better. Thanks for asking, wood, and for reading.

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    2. Good luck with the back btw! I am always amazed that people can get those recordings together. You do yours very well, agree with wood. k.

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    3. Thank you, k. --it takes me several hours to record a decent clip...The back is really rebelling today so will be down for the count until it improves, I'm afraid.

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  8. Idle minds combined with wagging tongues do a lot of damage, often to those who are blameless.

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  9. Lovely weaving of the story Hedge ~ I am struggling with this prompt...argh....

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    1. It's a hard one, Grace--I used all thirty words and still had to slice and dice it.

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  10. A Clear and Wild story/poem. And what if she's right? I have met more wicked children than wicked old women. Yet one is the "changling child of lies." And even old women were children once . . .

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    1. Sorry. In response to your poem, I wondered if it could be the old woman who is the liar either now or once upon a time. That's all. (I have odd humor.)

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  11. You poem reads like a novel! Amazing ....

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  12. Great/terrible story. Short not sweet. Chicken before the egg? Nature/nurture? Meanness hurts. k.

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  13. I've always liked people who marched to the beat of a different drummer. You got to pick up every stitch....you got pick up every stitch....must be the season of the witch....must be the season of the witch. Great video. I can tell your feeling the spirit of the season.

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    1. Thanks, Scott.There were a lot of choices for that song, but I thought the old silent film was cool. Glad you enjoyed, and yes, this is my favorite season.

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  14. This is well done and enchants and shocks~
    How hauntingly good it is~
    :D

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  15. It's sad that a child is blamed for the woes afflicting the family.Seen this happened on 2 occasions. The child's named was changed believing it was cursed. A more drastic one was the giving away of the child for adoption.

    Hank

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  16. You were able to convey so much detail and character in so few...I'm reeling! I think I need to "do-over!" Lol! Well written, Hedge!

    Love the closing lines and the two lines set apart at the end....visually and physically the way it causes a pause...works. :)

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  17. ah, yes, so much coming across in a mere thirty words! the first three or four months i was writing only micropoetry; now i think i've forgotten how. {smile}

    enjoyed this, dear hedge!

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  18. Such an emotional story with so few words!

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  19. Poor changeling child. You told her tale so well. I love the image too.

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  20. Thanks everyone--back is worse today, so sorry not to be able to return comments yet--but I will as soon as possible.

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  21. Sorry your back is feeling so bad. Hasn't affected your writing talent, however! Great story in such a few words!

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  22. Replies
    1. Thanks for the hugs, G--sorry to miss twice in a row.

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  23. That sent shivers down my spine. I hope the back is getting better. Back pain is the bane of my life, so you have my heartfelt sympathy.

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  24. hey thinking of you and hoping the back slips back into shape soon for you...

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  25. Me too. Just checking in. Hope all is well from back to front/tip to toe. k.

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  26. Thanks for the sympathy, viv--that's always welcome, and thanks for checking in, K and bri--I am still a bit hors de combat and am trying to rest the back as much as possible. Really appreciate your thoughtfulness. I may try to post something tomorrow.

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  27. So powerful -- you say so much with so few words!

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  28. Terse. Line breaks underscored it well.

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  29. Sorry I have not been around, and then to read that you have been down really saddens me. I hope your back is fully healed by the end of the month. Use your level 65 Druid specialties in conjunction with doctor's orders, and you should beat this bummer.

    I loved the poem, btw!

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  30. conflict and foreshadowing. cool write. aloha.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg