Saturday, August 24, 2013

Brown Light



Brown Light




Brown
sugar
light, crunching
in a kiss
filling this lantern night, is
what the deer and I wear to dance.

You
had
a plan
of sea blue
for all my nights, indigo 
dark, where drowning was dancing without any moon

but
brown
sugar light
made a sweeter
shine, made me a dancer
a fiddler, fawn's flower, a flyer, a dream.



~August 2013




A string of  Fibonaccis for   real toads
covering both
 Margaret's 'Stillness, Silence, Solitude' Challenge and the Weekend Mini-Challenge on the terribly addictive Fibonacci form




Image: Ralph Albert Blakelock (1847-1919)  "Solitude" (detail)  

37 comments:

  1. loved the reference to brown sugar... and the close in the end... great job

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  2. "Brown sugar light" is a delightful phrase.
    K

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  3. that first one is awesome joy....love the brown sugar light, crunch in a kiss....the mix of the senses in that is really cool...and hey whatever leaves you dancing and dreaming cant be all that bad eh?

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  4. Brilliant, Joy! Gloriously beautiful.

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  5. oh, my.
    I am an ardent fan of the Fib...the word indigo...and HOLY COW, this line:

    "Brown
    sugar
    light, crunching
    in a kiss"

    Just gorgeous.

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    1. Well come show us the Fib-love--I have never written any before this, but I have to say, they're really hard to stop writing once you start. Thanks, De.

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  6. Yum! This is a delicious combo of words.

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  7. How very beautiful, Hedge. My favourite line is the extra long one in the middle (long in terms of words of the page, I mean). It is a perfect example of the way a Fibonacci sequence can be built into a longer poem. It creates a kind of ebb and flow which is mesmerizing.

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  8. Brown sugar light, lovely color ~ I like the concluding magical line:

    a dancer
    a fiddler, fawn's flower, a flyer, a dream.

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  9. A part of me cannot hear the conjunction of brown sugar and dance without thinking of a certain band and singer. Yet this is not totally inappropriate here-- as those caught in that dance cerainly had a chance of indigo drowning. The crunch of kiss brings up leaves underfoot and a kind of fall harvest of love and fancy and nature which is lovely--I love the idea of wearing light. I confess we swim with that kind of suit on quite often up here in country. K.

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    1. I think that's called 'skyclad.' I love the concept, not to mention when I get the chance to do it, but as one ages, one tries to spare people these things. ;_) Yeah--I know the brown sugar riff is sort of embedded in there a bit(though the song that was going through my head was an old Neil Young--Like a Hurricane, calm in your eye, etc)and I took it out several times--but in the end, I thought I could just get by with it, as it's the way the painting made me react. Glad you enjoyed, k--thanks for reading, and for revisiting my other Fibonacci--they are super addictive to write, obviously.

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    2. Sorry to raise the song -- it is a beautiful kind of light that you describe - k.

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    3. Not at all--only natural for our age to think of it, k. Thanks for playing.

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  10. Brown sugar light...only you could come up with that, and I like that you changed the way it sits, from brown/sugar/ light where each word is distinct, to brown/sugar light. This may only have been a function of the word count for each line, but I feel like it was conscious.

    From a deer caught in the lantern light, to a dancer. That's poetry in more ways than one, and I loved the way the poem lifted in tone at the end.

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  11. Dancing with deer .. to think I might walk out my front door, find one of the deer who love to prance around in our yard ... dance the night away. This poem made me tingle with delight.

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  12. FYI ... This is SO SO SO close to a 55. (perhaps you could hyphenate a few words, but why mess with perfection? I think Galen would forgive you and would love this poem. :) Brown sugar light took my breath away... I mean, blue is overrated!

    Actually, I painted our master bedroom in Petoskey, MI a light sugar-brown color and it was so lovely.

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    1. Well, Galen already got my 55 for the week *and* an extra Fibonacci so he should be set for awhile. ;_) I don't know how I could change the word count, since it has to have so many words per line, but it is close, I agree. Thanks for reading, Margaret. I know you're having a hectic weekend.

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  13. Oh, I love this light-so sweet! YOU paint a glorious view :D

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  14. hedgewitch... even I got confused as to the best way to arrange the future length of lines... so I made a clearer drawing for you. Poetry from the hidden roots of those sensitive to a vision of future dreams...

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  15. 'drowning was dancing without any moon' - a pretty twist on a terrible death.

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  16. Love love love it
    but
    brown
    sugar light
    made a sweeter
    shine, made me a dancer
    a fiddler, fawn's flower, a flyer, a dream.

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  17. very, very pretty. you *almost* took back brown sugar from the realm of rock n roll. :)

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  18. You made me see these as crystals in the moonlight as though you and the fawn were held together by a light generated by life itself. This is imagination at its most creative. Loved it; seemed so effortless.

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  19. PS
    Now that I know more about the fibonacci form and why you find it addictive, I can agree with you.
    K

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  20. This is magical ... love how the light transforms you into a dancer, a dreamer :)

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  21. Brown sugar light . . . that's outstanding.

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  22. Thanks for the comment on my page.

    Your last stanza is a dream itself... beautiful

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  23. Nice playfulness in your poem,such magical world you're creating...love the company you and deer dancing together...good mood here

    Thanks for visiting my page :)

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  24. Didn't we used to call that sepia?
    Of course your words are sweeter.....:-)

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  25. I really enjoyed these, especially the first. Feels like freedom in that dance.

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  26. I really enjoyed these. Fibs are great for bringing a spare directness to our words.

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  27. I came back to visit today but lost my comment. (Grrr... no one's fault.) This has such lovely music - it's always amazing to me how that arises in a "word" form but it does here - esp I thought in first stanza. Hope all well. k.

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    1. All is fine. Sorry not to have anything new up, but maybe later in the week. I've been scribbling, but today was a busy day out in the real world. It makes me wonder how those who deal with it daily, like you, ever find time and energy to write. Thanks for the second reading, k.

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  28. Love the lighthearted feel you've created here!

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg