Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Husk Of A Moon





Husk of a Moon

The moon came down
in your steel-bead eyes
to knot my hair in a crown despised,
to lily the mirror holding the lies;
laughing, exploring my face endwise,
tubing my throat for the acid surprise.

I'd like her to drown.
Obscure her in filaments
stretched from my ligaments,
pulsing prime elements
into irrelevance
beside the eye-evidence,

or make her a clown
show-tumbling endlessly
in a three ring dependency
cherry mouth pensively
bleeding her bleakness free.
Make her stop wanting me.


Close your eyes so moonshadow brown;
don’t show me the hole where the moon comes down.



~August 2013





posted for     real toads
Challenge: Out of Standard with Izy
Blue Moon Special
Isadora Gruye, of the Nice Cage blog,  as always looking for ways to torture me, asks us to write a poem about the moon which doesn't mention the sky or the night in any way, shape or form. I haven't written anything in so long, I thought, wth,  I would see if it was even possible, and amazingly wrote this in about fifteen minutes. Thank you, Izy, for getting my pen moving--I take back all the four letter words your challenge initially caused my bad bad mouth to spew.







Image: deadlight2, © joyannjones 2012



24 comments:

  1. Don't show me the hole where the moon comes down...

    This is amazing for 15 minutes of thought and execution, Hedge. I so enjoyed your use of rhyme, particularly the word choices you made. In all this is quite spectacular.

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  2. Spectacular is the word for it all right! This is stunning, Hedge.

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  3. I am so excited that you joined in. It's been a long break for me as well. There must be something about this seasonal blue moon that inspires poetry. I'd say you've certainly created an amazing poem here!

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  4. Thanks all! Such a relief to write something!

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  5. Hi HW. Glad to see this. And you had me laughing at your comments, after saying "wish I'd written that" - pointing at your final line. ~ M

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  6. Wow! I love the rhyme, and the rhythm. The last two lines are super, but my favourite is the way you used the noun as a verb in "to lily the mirror holding the lies" — so expressive!
    K

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  7. Ditto on that last line!! I love this! Great writing Hedgie, so good to see you!

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  8. ya that's just good poetry all around!

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  9. to lily the mirror holding the lies...nice...love that whole description of the effect in that first stanza hedge...and wicked rhymes though out make for a great rhythm...the hole where the moon comes down---just damn fine

    good to see you writing again too...smiles.

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  10. You wrote! YaYYYYYY!

    Here is my favorite part:

    " laughing, exploring my face endwise,
    tubing my throat for the acid surprise.

    I'd like her to drown.
    Obscure her in filaments
    stretched from my ligaments,"

    Here is why: one never hears of a face referneced as "endwise" and so this is yet another Hedgewitch original, followed by the jarring, almost sick-making invasive and caustic image that follows, of something nasty being forced up from deep within. Too late for Tums, I'd say. Then you change the rhythm by shortening the lines following, but you repeat the uck being drawn from within and used for questionable but effective purpose.

    All this in 15 minutes from a moon prompt? Get out.

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  11. For me this is full of mystery. I like the word choices and the rhythm in particular!

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  12. Thank you for writing poetry again ... this one had me in tears. I am not certain why ... I loved this.

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  13. Strong images, beautiful words - the first four lines, to me, are spectacular.

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  14. So wise using words...overtones and layers make this poem unique...thanks!

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  15. This is brilliant and the closing two lines sent me off into orbit. Wowzers, kiddo. Whew.

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  16. Don't show me the hole where the moon comes down...love that line. You wrote it in fifteen minutes...amazing. I worry over three lines.

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  17. Agh - lost comment --so out of practice, so try to recreate - this is terrific - great use of rhyme and rhythm and, as Kerry said, not-so-plain old word choices. There's an element of the inconstancy of the moon which is so present, and yet not directly emphasized and very strong, and the "her" has all kinds of shades of resonant meaning - not just the moon - but "her" as in another. Phrases that were especially memorable/compelling to me - the bleeding bleakness - moonshadow brown, - that lillying the mirror which is kind of an odd reversal of gilding the lilly - here it's silvered, but there's still the feeling of excess - here of lies perhaps - or charm.

    Anyway, great to see you back. Just love the short lines/rhymes--so clever but not overtly clever - work really well. k.

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    1. Thanks, k. This was one I didn't think too much about or edit--I thought of calling it a 'draft poem' even, ;_) but really, I don't see anything to redo atm. As always you pick up on all the layers and nuances. Thanks for reading.

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    2. I didn't even notice any commas or lack thereof (ha!) I think fine as is -- for all that matters. (But I do. And it has a kind of energy of the first thought best thought.) k.

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  18. filaments stretched from my ligaments, love that.

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  19. totally digging this, man! I am so happy my challenge prompted this poem. I also like the "free wheelin" feeling here. Is it me or is there a little Bob Dylan here: your images chaotically, pleasingly sensical. Love love love this! Viva la

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  20. I was going to copy down some of my favorite lines, and found myself rewriting the whole damn thing! And the last line really is gold. Love it Hedge, love it!

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  21. This is amazing! The rhymes and images are fabulous. Glad you're back to writing!

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  22. One to read again and again! Excellent word choices - rhymes - deep emotion. Just love this.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg