Saturday, January 31, 2015

Snake Eye


Snake Eye





Your eye, that reptile jewel hung yellow as
a sunken sun, your talk a
cloudy snakeskin strung with pierced pendant hearts--when
it  passed idly over me, measuring
and rejecting
the price of that collecting, you
almost said
 you loved me, but remembered
a lie will cause a reckoning more
 often than it saves one.



~January 2015 

















Optional Musical Accompaniment










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Weekend Challenge: Flash 55 Plus
Kerry once again brings us the 55 meme,  and her optional Plus this time is to write it in the form of a Herrick Stanza (word count 8-6-8-6-2-6-2-5-7-5.) This made for some weird enjambment, but I kind of like it this way.









Image: The Eye of  A Green Tree Python, copyright Joel Satore
Source


22 comments:

  1. What a chilling sort of pendant that must be, but its wearer at least displays some restraint and some caution, even if its motive is simply to save itself trouble. I wouldn't expect a reptile to be altruistic, would you?

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  2. The cold-bloodedness and reptilian intelligence bely the jewel-like beauty of this creature. He would be smart, but only enough to calculate his advantage.

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  3. Brutally good ending. I love this.

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  4. Shivers...love that eye, reptile jewel, measuring and rejecting, the price of collecting ~ Superbly written 55 ~

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  5. oy...i would rather truth in love
    than a lie to make me feel better...
    or for something more nefarious...

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  6. Hey Hedge--I see you went the more intelligent route--with words, not syllables, but it is certainly an interesting format--and the enjambment is not necessarily what one would do, but it works well, as there is a kind of internal rhyme going on here--I don't know how that would work if you broke up the lines differently, but it certainly creates a kind of music here. There's a slinky feel with a definite sort of curve going on, a sort of snaky weave of considering, deciding, that works very well with this form. It is interesting that you have the title snake eye--as I tend to think of snake eyes in terms of dice, and here it seems almost a roll of the dice as to whether there will be a more serious relationship or not--it is so interesting as women we sometimes put (or have put) ourselves up for judgment or collection as if we had no say in it--that kind of strange mesmerized passivity feels very on display here-- of course, the end is a bit of a come uppance--and very true to life. The sense of the double-meaning of lie is very potent here--agh. A lot squeezed in a few words. Thanks. k.

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    1. Yes, I had it written in stanzas where it mostly had end rhyme at first--but I think the switch in line length makes the internal rhyme work more subtly and therefore better than that. I did try the syllable count version first, but it was not ever going to have enough words that way. I liked the way yours turned out k--very terse but rich, as the shorter forms sometimes are, compressing yielding a stronger juice, as it were. Thanks.

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    2. Thanks--it was odd how using the syllables reduced the word count as I did not think I used so many multi-syllabic words, but even a very few made a big difference. All interesting. k.

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  7. A lie will cause a reckoning...
    This is a meaty bite of wisdom, Hedge.

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  8. I think I have met a few of those enchanters, those eyes and the pendant.. I think the end actually is correct .. in the end it's doomed... I actually like the enjambment a lot here.. as well as some added embedded rhymes.

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  9. This slippery lounge lizard's quite the charmer, with the snakeskin boots, snake-oil voice and and cold-blooded lies. Seduction's all about stealing the goods (those pendant hearts like shrunken heads hung from a belt) and getting off before one's own heart can awaken. And yes, 'tis better to stop short of speaking of love, because a bald lie is almost more dangerous than a naked truth. Get behind thee, leisure-suit zoot, git on down the down doggie road ...

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    1. I once dated a musician whose band was called The Lounge Lizards, and embroidered his velvet harmonica case with the logo. We live and learn...of course, I don't do that any more(even presuming I could, which is a whole other fantasy. ;_) ) You get exactly what I was going for with the shrunken heads/pendant hearts thing. Thanks for reading, B. You are writing really well these days--I feel like I am crying shallow puddles myself.

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    2. Wait, John Lurie's Lounge Lizards?!
      Love "rejecting the price of collecting" here.

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  10. Love the powerful descriptions, the passion behind each word... It reads like love and rage and disappointment and daring... I can close my eyes and hear the speaker saying, "Go on! Tell me you love me. And be ready for what will come."

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  11. The snake slithering over your body measuring gave me shivers, as does this sort of (non) love.

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  12. What a snake! But in this case, self-absorption saved another from victimhood.

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  13. Oh, bravo! I love the concluding lines. So true, and so very well expressed.

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  14. Been too long since I was here. You still astonish me. I have no idea who this poem is about, but man does it resonate with me. Too sad that any of our days are spent around those who generate such feelings. Ah well, at least you make art out of it, and in such a powerful way.

    (I got a kick out of your label "Freakin 55"!)

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  15. Oh, that closing with a catch-at-my-heart at the "you almost said you loved me".

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  16. Such a snake! Lies will certainly cost.

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  17. It looked like a dragon's eye looking deep into my soul, and you could tell that it saw through the shroud of lies that one would have told. Really good poem!

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  18. It must be said that snakes get a bad rap in the xian mythos. That aside, the ending hangs there - every snake, once it has eaten its prey, must rest, engorged and vulnerable. This one knew not to do so... ~

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg