Saturday, May 30, 2015

Plague Sonnet


Plague Sonnet






A bite of the flea and the plague is caught;
what he sent away always came home to him.
Tho she begged for a healer, she got what she got.
With fifty snuffed candles the room stayed dim.
From a book of dead suns he read out the shade
and the scream that whimpers before it goes.
She stole new eyes but they soon were greyed
as turquoise fevered in a cold-played flow
of impossible truths, of believable lies.
He put traps in the trees, blood on the stones
with his limp blue gaze where the Kingdom dies;
there could be no bridge in a rainbow of bones,
just the smile of the mouth-pit scarring the lawn,
and one last mistake, to make a girl gone.





~May 2015







 posted for     real toads



Challenge: Bout-Rimés
Bjorn Rudberg (Bjorn Rudberg's Writings) asks us to play a game which evolves a sonnet from given end-rhymes. I have done what I could, though I am not much of a sonneteer. I had no luck with the words, 'glade'  and 'tones' so they have been altered--apologies.










Image: title & author unknown      source
No copyright infringement intended




26 comments:

  1. I really love this.. To start with the plague is so menacing, with the last line painting a totally different story. To me there is a Poeish atmosphere.. I got to think about his story of the red death. Thank you for playing along, ;-)

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  2. Oh, my. This is chilling. I really love these lines:
    "From a book of dead suns he read out the shade
    and the scream that whimpers before it goes."

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    1. I was most struck by these lines as well, Joy. A wonderful response to the prompt.

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  3. This was quite intense & blood curdling! Loved your execution of this prompt :D
    Well penned!
    xoxo

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  4. Standing . . . applauding . . . tearing out hair . . .

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    1. Me too. I'm glad I didn't read yours before i wrote mine. The whole thing is chilling, and though it seems we were on the same wavelength, yours is superior. I love the second line and also the traps in the trees. Dark and edgy. I love it.

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    2. Thanks ladies. Appreciate the vote of confidence!

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  5. This is so chilling and vivid! Love how you managed to work the end words into a coherent and frightening story!

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  6. I'm in total agreement the plague opening is a wowser and the rest intrigues and bewitches! Well played Hedge!

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  7. Ha, Joy--well done with the words. I did use "glade" but for a long time, thought of just writing a line that said I would not use glade in a poem. I also especially like the lines with the light, or lack thereof, in them--the snuffed candles in the dim, and the reading of the shade from the book of dead suns--the fevered turquoise--this really is rather like reading a tarot card, or set of them--enough to make a girl gone--and the flea bite really makes the man seem rather small and self-bloating--like many I've known. Thanks! (I'm sorry so late to this party--won't go into reasons.") ps - agree with MZ's comment. k.

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    1. Thanks, k, as always for your input, and laughing at the way you wanted to use glade--a terrible terrible word--I mean, I like the old forms and the old language, but glade is just too specific, and too dated. Anyway, I broke the rules, as usual ;_) Can't wait to see what you did with this.

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  8. You handled the prompt so well Hedgey! Loved the concept of a plague sonnet. Well done and viva la

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  9. Icy indeedy ... "La Belle Dame Sans Merci" in drag. If thought is an infection, this conceit is a plague ... uh, well of course it is. Some really gothic constructions here -- I especially liked those 50 snuffed candles and the "cold-played flow / of impossible truths, of believable lies." There was a play too on a couple of old saws about love -- set it free, if it's true it will return and .38 Special's hold on loosely but don't let go; but then 'tis also true that what we run from is what we run into, and plague here floats just as dreadful-dancingly. Freeze-dried paramour exhumed on the horns of a sickle moon dee-lights exactly this way ... I tried something with the list and it was DOA halfway through ...

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    1. The word list was very difficult, imo--one of the hardest I have worked with. AFA sonnets, you'll remember how long it's taken me to be able to write one--maybe 5 years of failed efforts? So thanks especially that you felt this one succeeded--it went through a lot of changes.Love that concept, de-lights--exactly what I was going for. Thanks, B.

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  10. Wow!! This is outstanding, Hedge. It gave me chills - the macabre tale with the almost rollicking pace of the sonnet, has the most incredible flow. So many excellent movements of thought to drive your theme from line 1 to line 14.

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  11. Scary. That first bit is a little like karma. We can not escape our own history or the consequences there of. We also can not extend things beyond their own time. If we do, they have their own consequence. Much like an undead love.

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  12. This reads like a dark fairy tale that escape the Bible. Love the allusions, the terrifying imagery, and the flow that let me fly through the torturous life of the speaker... until the end.

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  13. An unforgettable line ~ "there could be no bridge in a rainbow of bones" ~

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  14. From a book of dead suns he read out the shade
    and the scream that whimpers before it goes..... absolutely marvelous!

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  15. I like this visit to the dark. When I saw the list, something sorta just clicked, I guess. Haven't been writing, obviously, and glad I didn't read yours first, or would have been intimidated :) ~

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  16. You set up a really gorgeous and macabre scene with this one

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  17. This has really great music that I am sure I heard the first times through, but not as palpably--great use of meter and flow--it is wonderful when that music is found--it creates a momentum that supports the flow of images here, and the rush to the close. Thanks. k.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg