Thursday, February 24, 2011

Friday Flash 55 ~ Spare Change


  Spare Change ~ Two Tankas


I
Dawn to dusk he works
all his life but work’s not done.
Gold’s a slattern wife
hard to keep, easy to steal
always laughing while she cheats.

II
The world is waiting
for signs and comets and change.
Only signs appear
in the hand, flashed on tv.
Change, comets, can’t be written.




February 2011







Image: dragon center jumpingym coins, by Kam TANGO  wikimedia commons

25 comments:

  1. These are wonderful. I truly love the first one.

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  2. nice...i really LOVE the first one...gave me grins...darn slattern wife....i am not sure i get teh last line of the second one...just being honest...its probably me...its late...

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  3. All that glitters is not gold. Or in Tanka One, that gold may be cuckold. lol Tanka Two makes me think of how the TV influences many a perception. Great work with the form. Impressive to craft a 55 out of two Tanka stanzas.

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  4. Deep....
    But not entirely out of my limited range of comprehension!!
    Loved your Twotanka 55 My Friend.
    Very cleverly done.
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

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  5. Applause! Applause!
    Terse and powerful. Your title is brilliant too.

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  6. Signs appear from the hand of man, the ones we believe anyway. Think Madison Avenue. Comets on the other hand can not be made formed or shaped by any mans hand.


    Well done J. Loved 'em both. They read like a Shankur Raga sounds.

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  7. You are always using words I haven't heard in ages, and that's part of what I love about your writing. They're good words, not purposefully obscure ones. Today it's "slattern". A couple days ago it was "cadge." These out of work words are good words, I see them at the coffee shop, dreaming away, checking the want ads. I'm glad they find work here. Goddess bless you, Mrs. Rosewater!

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  8. I loved the first one - real perfection in the pour of coins with all that precious and dangerous gold minted in them -- The sense of the second I can't quite grasp ... money walks and BS talks? I wonder if you sacrificed too much of what else needed to be said for the sake of squeezing it into the confines of the challenge. It may have allowed you to frolic and juggle with your talent, but I wonder if the cost was what your genius can realize and add. (Stealing theret from Emerson's "The Poet.") - Brendan

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  9. Love these. Both of them. It's true the first one is flashier with "slattern" and its shoot-from-the-hip metaphor. But comets and change can't be written is just so true--and it's hard to explain but I find that sadly poignant and exciting at the same time. Amazing 55!

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  10. very well written...I was thinking, will HE suddenly appear as an interruption to the programming you are currently watching, or send us an e mail, or come as a pop up, or?

    Peace, hp

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  11. either way it's a thing that can't be grasped, eh?

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  12. Many thanks all. There's so much to say on these topics that I've used a very limiting form to keep me between the bar ditches. (Those are the steep drainage cuts beside our rural roads where it's easy to get stuck.)

    @G-man: your simple exterior obviously hides a chewy nougat center.

    @twm It's a start, anyway. Thanks for the compliment in your comparison.

    @FB Your poet's eye/ear always amazes me--great metaphors even in your comments. Yes, there are plenty of extremely competent working class words out there looking for a job without having to delve into the realms of the overqualified. I'm liking that they have their own coffee shop.

    @Mattison--you've nailed it well, as always. I don't think you've ever made one comment that hasn't.

    @Brendan I didn't cut much in the second, actually, beyond a few connective and obvious verbs--much more finagling went on for the first. I wish you would email me any time if you'd like to discuss this or anything else further. My email is available on my profile page. I find the comment box extremely limiting for my verbosity. :)

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  13. That second one is really powerful. The play with "signs" is outstanding.

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  14. Both so very very true, hedgewitch. It's sad how much stock in put in money (no pun intended).

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  15. Very deep and very good.

    We do seem to be collectively waiting eh, for the next big bad thing, or worrying about it.

    So let's smile and dance!!

    xo

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  16. i like both of them joy - but i really loved the first one - such a lot of truth..and so poignantly described..

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  17. I don't have the depth for this. My brain spends too much time in the shallow end of the gene pool. ;-)

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  18. neither one of em makes any sense!

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  19. @coalblack They must be too deviously ornamental.

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  20. I lean towards the first one more. Oh the sad reality of people and money. What happened to the days of trade? But that would be way intense with the amount of people.

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  21. I like them both! The photo is beautiful in it's own right, even without meaning.

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  22. Love the first (perfect) piece, enjoyed the execution/smartness of the second.

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  23. Joy, this was THE perfect analogy for life...
    "always laughing while she cheats." -- really, that line was just too good, my dear!!

    All those signs we see.. only for us to interpret... and we can only hope we are doing it right..

    Loved and enjoyed both the stanzas... an amazing 55!

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg