Monday, February 21, 2011

Tanka on Illusion


http://www.charlotteziebarth.com/index.html  (c) charlottteziebarth




Every sunset
paints our western trees new shades
always lost at dawn
with the whim of the days’ brush
how our faces change color.





Undoubtedly one of the hardest forms I've ever tried, this attempt at a tanka is submitted for
with many thanks to Lady Nyo for sharing her insights 




Image: Sunsets/Trees /Windows, #2, quilt by  Charlotte Ziebarth 
Used by gracious permission of the artist

23 comments:

  1. Oh! I lost my comment! A beautiful and satisfying tanka, and though you might find these hard now, in a few months of forming them, living with them, you will find them the perfect vehicle to memory.

    Lady Nyo

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  2. it is challenging, but hey, I'm "male"...HA
    I Love a challenge...you have served it well

    Peace, hp

    thank you for stopping by

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  3. Oh, nice. I'll have to try that.

    Is the image a tanka, too?

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  4. @LadyNyo: Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm glad to hear you feel it at least fits the form--it took almost an hour per line to write and I still feel like it isn't really there. ;-)

    @hp, thanks--I liked the pony one you did last week too, even if it wasn't "pure."

    @thingy It might as well be. It's actually a quilt, I think.

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  5. My first time hearing of a tanka.

    The sunset and our faces are every-changing and beautiful, yes.

    And what an incredible piece of work that quilt/photo.

    xo

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  6. There is only one color where I live right now, and that color is white!

    Brave you, trying a tanka. I was chicken.

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  7. Joy, glorious colours you present in Tanka form! Loved it!

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  8. Thanks all. It's a new form to me, too, but I've read a few that were really amazing.

    @FB Put on some red nail polish??? Spray paint the snow? And get back-- you could probably write one in fifteen minutes if the mood struck you.

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  9. You are so right about the difficult aspect ... yours is lovely! I'm going to give it a try ~~ one day!

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  10. That is truly beautiful. I'm a fan.

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  11. Lovely Tanka! Yes, about the difficulty, my first Tanka last Monday took me two hours and most of the two hours was for the last line! But hey I enjoyed flexing those grey cells and the discipline of the 5-7-5-7-7. This time it took me an hour:)
    Cheers
    Padmavani

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  12. What I love about this is how the lines evoke subtly different meanings and syntax with each reading--kinda like the changes of the trees and our faces. And I love that final line. A fine tanka!

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  13. Oh beautiful indeed you capture on only the sunset, but the sunrise and the place the changes into the human vision of it ..all these five lines....Really lovely and thought catching...bkm

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  14. I agree with the difficulty of this form... probably because it is unfamiliar to me.
    You have shared a fine example I think.

    Love the quilting image you have paired it with - fabulous!

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  15. Joy,

    You make it seem easy. But, then, you're good.

    The way this reads, renewed day is the disappointment, perhaps that which holds exigent 'new' obligation that a relaxed end-of-day need not marshal itself for.

    Frankly, these Japanese forms, their bite-sizedness, I find more compatible than the more extended Euro-forms and their inevitable desire for end-rhyming -- only the Italians, Spanish, and French make that feat look like a breeze.


    Trulyfool
    (stratified quilt provides 'line/syllable' ghost, too!)

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  16. nice...i love the paints that play in the skies in the morning and at night...some of my fav times of day...

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  17. Thanks all--appreciate your input and comments always. Those of you who also did a tanka today, I've enjoyed reading your takes as well.

    @TrulyFool excellent catch on the quilt.

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  18. I love that last line, hedgewitch. It is like face painting. I thought this tanka was lovely.

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  19. Pshaw....
    You know your stuff young lady.

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  20. AWESOME!
    I'm blown away.. :)

    Hugs xx

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg