Thursday, November 3, 2011

Night and the Moth






Night and the Moth


Night’s wind blows restless
lifts and tosses back my hair
playing as you do
taking all keeping nothing

candled longings gleam
where moths and I dream alone
god faces above
stare through their black mask sky holes

night is not thinking
of the torn moth at the lamp
mad for light as I for you.



November 2011


Posted for   FormForAll   at dVerse Poets Pub
Where the gracious Lady Nyo (Jane Kohut-Bartels) introduces us to the beautiful forms of Japanese love poetry found in the Man'yoshu. I have chosen to try my hand at a short choka.



and, because it has exactly 55 words, also posted for 
the inimitable G-Man's  Friday Flash 55










27 comments:

  1. 'playing as you do
    taking all keeping nothing'

    'god faces above
    stare through their black mask sky holes'

    Another well structured poem with excellent word choices. To me it feels like the sense of longing is tempered by acceptance. The night and the moth will dance.

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  2. mmm....hot hedge...

    taking all keeping nothing...

    someone needs to tell the gods to stop playing peeking tom when the mad love rolls...just saying...

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  3. lovely form.. and i like the ending lines:

    night is not thinking of the torn moth at the lamp mad for light as I for you.

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  4. 'candled longings gleam
    where moths and I dream alone'
    this is my favourite line.

    Lovely throughout.....

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  5. I was going to say how the line about the god faces staring through their black sky holes knocked me off my chair onto the floor, it was so original, imaginative and bril...brilli...really good.

    I was going to say how the poem only got even better from there with a masterful closing that keeps the spirit of eastern verse but packs the punch of a boxer.

    But i decided to simply say these two things: 1) this is your best short poem, in my view. And 2) I hate you! :-P

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  6. I just love this -- comparing the love of the moth for the lamp with the love of "I for you." Impressive and original write.

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  7. the fascination of people to the phenomena of moths to candles is as great as the phenomena itself.

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  8. The love of lights by moths can be poetry itself. How it hovers and then slowly land is captivating!

    Hank

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  9. I know you took your time thinking about each word weighing its meaning giving placement great concern, thinking of it as form, without form, letting it flow while building the bank to shape it just so. Each image as bright as the night sky and evanescent as the moth. This is so lovingly beautiful.

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  10. Of course I have no authority to judge your poetic aptitude. But I will say this.
    I understood it.
    I didn't have to look anything up.
    You do indeed think on a more artistic and symbolic level than 99% of the human population.
    Excellent 55
    (Coincidently)
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

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  11. Perfectly thought out and composed. A great read!

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  12. Another small masterpiece. And that last stanza really shook me.
    Quietly glorious.

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  13. Your words draw me to burn and I'm consumed with envy. You've penned an intricate choka.

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  14. Hi Hedgewitch, lovely poem. I actually like the close best, the torn moth craving that which burns. Thanks for your comment on my site. K.

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  15. This is complex, intimate, beautiful and you pack in more imagery than any other poet I know!
    And, it shows that you really considered your choices here.

    A lovely choka, Hedge....the ending is a killer.
    Now, this wasn't so hard, neh? LOL! They ALL are hard in my estimation.

    This is lovely, Hedge.

    Lady Nyo

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  16. Wow, girl! This touches me soul. Puts me in the mood to write a love poem. Very good. Inspiring. The seconf stanza really moves me, the third touches my heart. Great write!!!!!!!!!

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  17. ...mad for light as I for you... Even if it destroys! Love this. This was a fun challenge.

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  18. wild and mad and sensual...and without compromise..that's how love should be...love this hedge, really love this...taking all, keeping nothing...GREAT!!!!

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  19. Beautifully crafted love poem. SO hard to do it well and I think you nailed it with that torn moth.

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  20. I like this:

    "taking all keeping nothing"

    And your closing:

    "night is not thinking
    of the torn moth at the lamp
    mad for light as I for you."

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  21. "lifts and tosses back my hair
    playing as you do
    taking all keeping nothing"

    Wow! Simply.

    I love the God faces staring through black sky holes too. This poem builds brilliantly.

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  22. 'where moths and I dream alone'

    Lovely stuff!

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg