Sunday, December 18, 2011

Undelivered Letter To the Moon



Undelivered Letter to The Moon
from a shooting star


Dominitrix and nocturix
how you punish the night with flicks
of your white whip and rhythm sticks,
handcuff us to black and perform your rape
make us jump from the void in ecstatic mix
of  surrender and escape.




This is in response to Kerry's      Mini Challenge at real toads     today, where she discusses both the Burns Stanza, and the  poetry of Rhina P. Espaillat entitled "Undelivered Mail". I've tried to combine the two here, though perhaps not as purely as I could have, but this is what came. Below is the free verse fragment that I worked into the stanza, just for fun. 



To the Moon

Dominatrix and nocturix
how you punish the night
make it curl its toes and scream
handcuff the stars to a flat black table
delighting most
to make them writhe and jump
out of the sky in an ecstasy
of surrender and escape.


December 2011







20 comments:

  1. I love your letter to the moon! Great imagery that transcends one's view~ Well Done!

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  2. Sounds like lots of fun! Enjoyed this, Joy.

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  3. I'll confess the first version disturbed me until I read the original, and then I better understood what you were after, here. The idea of an undelivered letter from a shooting star to the moon is just marvelous.

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  4. I commend you on your bold imagery of the rewrite in Burns' stanza form. It does have shock value, but it also invites the reader to view the 'picture' of night from a completely new perspective. The fact that it is an undelivered letter of complaint adds another level to the piece.
    The form has infused the poem with a wonderful tonal quality to underline the indignant tone.
    This is the good stuff.

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  5. Two very clever ways of writing about the moon, I enjoyed both very much.

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  6. Thanks all. Can't take much credit here--this just popped into my head already written after seeing a word verification code and reading the prompt.It's actually meant to be more playful than grim, because I find the whole bondage thing kind of silly.

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  7. wow love the intensity and dance in your owrds in the first hedge...the dominatrix moon could make for some intersting nights...smiles.

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  8. Your take is always so highly original, Joy.......I enjoyed both of these and LOVE the idea of a letter to the moon!

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  9. Whew...vivid images and love the form too ~

    Great write ~

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  10. Love the words and sounds in your Burns form! Visiting from RT.

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  11. Hedgewitch, I loved this. The moon has never seemed more saucy :)

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  12. I like the second (older?) version best. It paints a picture.

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  13. I find this absolutely brilliant. I totally agree with vivinfrance: Imaginative magic!

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  14. Starlight ain't so bright when the moonbitch is in celestial town. 'Course, neither hold much of a candle to that bastid Sun ... Nobody's happy, it seems, in Heaven, or the heavens ... always a brighter god devouring the smaller one. As in the ocean, so the skies ... Brendan

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  15. Thanks all. Appreciate you stopping by in this busy time.

    @B: I like to think the shooting stars are happy, coming to rest at last in a flare of heat, light and magic after years journeying through the cold, airless void of space...but that's just me. ;_)

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  16. The slutty goings on in the night sky...
    tsk tsk tsk

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  17. An undelivered letter creates a void to be bridged in space not knowing when. Great verse Joy!

    Hank

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  18. no one writes the way you do, Joy! stunning!

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg