Sunday, June 17, 2012

Shadows

Shadows




Shadows' prism refracting
gives only a black rainbow.
Scar-eyed, dead rocks impacting
make the wink of the moonglow.

Needlepointed charity
echoes in pity's hollow.
Truth devoid of verity
sneaks in where sense can’t follow.

The music of November
frosts on forgotten meadows.
The harpist sings Remember;
rash words no action shadows.

June 2012




Posted for   real toads
Sunday Mini-Challenge: the Celtic Quatrain
Kerry has chosen a form that may be sheer music in the Gaelic, but in English is truly, as always, challenging in the extreme. Rhyming three syllable words is one thing, but doing it in lines of only seven syllables is quite another. (For a full explanation of the form, follow the link above.) 
Still, this was a very creative exercise for me. Thanks, Kerry.





Image: Shadows.Moonlit Night. Isaac Levitan, 1885, watercolor
Public domain, via Wikipaintings.org

27 comments:

  1. You've done a really fine job with this very musical sounding form. I especially admire your ending lines in each stanza. Nice job on a difficult challenge.

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  2. O the melody . . . forgotten/remember . . . nice! As is "shadows" swirling back to the beginning. But "Swirling" is the wrong word for this dead echoing place where the only movement is when untruth "sneaks" in. Makes me wonder what a people-- what I do with the darker parts of the past.

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  3. Great choices of rhyming words, refracting and hollow ~ I like black rainbow and wink of the moonglow ~ I am learning from you Hedge ~

    You nailed the form perfectly ~

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  4. This poem not only is true to form, right down to the final word, but has a theme that links back to Celtic roots, the feminine moon, the eeriness of November, the change from light to dark seasons.
    Very atmospheric writing.

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  5. nice....like the grit in this...the second part of the first stanza through the second is def my fav part...this has a great rhythm to it as well hedge...

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  6. You know this challenge seemed to me impossible. Until I read yours, which makes it look doable after all. This is just wonderful, Hedge. Love all the shadowy undertones.

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  7. Love how you varied up the 3-syllable words instead of using -ing each time. I found that difficult. I especially like the second stanza.

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  8. You know the odd thing is that I didn't actually realize that this rhymed the first time through. That may say something about me as well as the poem! I think it's because the short lines don't quite have enough to them to have a strong Iambic beat - I don't mean yours don't have enough to them, but just that they are cut so short.

    Lovely. I especially like the no action shadows as it brought up following, as in a detective, for me more than actual light and dark, though of course that was there too.

    Maybe I'll try one - though yours is a bit intimidating! k.

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    1. I found the meter very challenging--maybe from the language difference, ie, gaelic does not equal english in emphasis(don't know as I don't speak gaelic, but just sayin..) You should read some of the others, k--this is pretty rudimentary--bet you'd make something interesting of it.

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    2. Well, I will look - I wrote/scribbled a long winding much-needing editing something or other about my father earlier and then actually have been working on my day job! Memos! But I really need a break from that for sure and this sounds like it is something to think about while walking. Thanks. Yours is terrific - you are smack dab at darkness! (Ha!) Of course, I mean that in the best of ways. k.

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    3. So thanks! I took a long walk with a pad and did one. Very silly - not profound (like SOME people.) (Ha!) But it was quite fun, though as you say, harder than imagined. I may have cheated more. I did my triple rhymes in a more goofy way. k.

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    4. HA! Loved it Karin--and excuse the smiley face that crept in--forgot to properly construct my emoticon so it wouldn't do that. I hate those.

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    5. You know I don't even know how to make such things - emoticons - so I'm always quite impressed. k.

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  9. May be challenging..but you did it up right, this has such a cool cadence and feel to it. I don't go out on these form poem limbs...they won't support my fat ass....lol. Loved this.

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    1. Thank god the limb is only metaphorical, I say--I bet my ass would break it in a heartbeat. ;-) Thanks, Corey.

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  10. black rainbow... dead rocks... sneaks in... and that last graph i like very, very much.

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  11. Wow, beautiful use of language. I really liked it.

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  12. This sooo fits my mood tonight. Going back to read again.... and yes to wallow.

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  13. "Shadows' prism refracting
    gives only a black rainbow."

    LOVE this! ♥

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  14. needlepointed charity! love that.

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  15. A very fine interpretation of the painting. It catches the atmosphere and the character of the art work. I love the "black rainbow" and the "needlepointed charity" - which I first read as "needlepointed clarity"!

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    1. Thanks, Dave. That would work, too, in a different context. ;_) The picture was chosen after the poem was written, btw, as it is most times here. Appreciate the visit.

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  16. This is just spectacular, Hedge!

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  17. Brilliant. I especially love November's music frosting the meadow!

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  18. The music of November
    frosts on forgotten meadows.


    LOVE THAT!! You did a splendid job with this form, Hedge!!

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  19. Love this. Darkly celtic, bardic and yet so you!

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  20. The rainbow, the rocks sing beautifully their music of November! Wonderfully haunting!

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg