Friday, February 15, 2013

Progression Of A Down



Leeds Castle 22-04-2012


Progression of a Down




Someone gives her bottled honey
but she's in the mood for
vinegar. Someone gives her that
and she calls out for wine.
Blood
invades her cheeks.
Bile
from her slowsouring soul
makes her break her scarlet roses
against the spotless door.
At last, someone gives her darkness,
a green window closes;
the flies drop their aimless circling
for the delectable
buds
that won't open
tight
against her cancelled face.


~February 2013




posted for   real toads
Fireblossom Friday
The incomparable Fireblossom has us tackling a stanza form from British late Victorian poet A.E. Housman. She explains it much better than I could at the link above. 

Disclaimer:I did not pay much attention to meter in this and wrote purely to the syllable count, which gives this a different cadence to the Housman example and more of a free verse feel.







Image: Leeds Castle by Karen Roe via Flick'r Creative Commons
Hover mouse for attribution or click picture to follow to photographer's page.

26 comments:

  1. This poem follows its title inexorably. How ell you convey the restless dissatisfaction, the closing down and shutting out, and the terrible isolation of depression and despair. The language is deceptively gentle, but the meaning is emotionally harrowing.

    Thanks so much for taking part in my challenge, Hedge. Excellent work indeed.

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  2. cancelled face? well that sits with me in a disturbing way.

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  3. Yikes. Ouch. I am trying to find a silver lining here. (AT least she got some wine!) Very lovely sound - you do manage a kind of meter and a bit of rhyme, the words with an inexorability about them; a lot of great "o" words, and 'oo' but not really the normal ones - (as in woe and moon)--so to me makes for very interesting sound. Agh. I'm feeling low now though. k.

    (P.S. she should have stuck with the honey- at least make the flies happy.)

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    1. Don't mean to sound so grim. Just saying that it's effective! k.

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    2. Not everything has a silver lining, imo--and when you buy into the down, it tends to break the roses and cancel the buds. However, no one has to be the she here--it is a voluntary choice, again in imo, to throw away the honey and demand vinegar from life.

      Laughing at pleasing the flies! They aren't fussy. ;_)

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    3. I'm not for vinegar or honey actually-- so maybe will stick with the wine. (Ha.)

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    4. Always a good choice--especially when bile is the alternative. ;_)

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  4. From its title to its closing line, this marks the downward spiral so well. The reader feels the descent as well. As Shay says, harrowing. Such good work!

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  5. I read this a couple times to get the full effect of the descent and the cancelled face hits like an undeniable end. And yes she should have stuck with the honey!

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  6. I think you have worked wonders with the basic pattern and produced something that is all your own. I expected nothing less, and you have created a vivid image, shades of dark and touches of light in the honey, the wine, the roses. I really enjoyed the reading experience.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kerry. I was hoping bending the rules would not be fatal. ;_)

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  7. Some biting images here...sharp and concisely conveyed, Hedge. I enjoyed this! My approach was the same, syllabic free-verse. :)

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  8. The tragedy really does resound in this poem. It certainly does impact the reader.

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  9. I loved how you wrote more according to your own rhythm than going by the rule. Your poem flows beautifully but there's a dark undercurrent in it:
    Blood
    invades her cheeks.
    Bile
    from her slowsouring soul
    makes her break her scarlet roses
    against the spotless door.

    I quite liked that. Thanks.

    Greetings from London.

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  10. nice...def a free verse feel to it hedge...interesting how they keep giving her things but not what she asks....the flies dropping is a cool tangible image...and the cancelled face....strong...

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  11. "Slowsouring." That is some perfect wordsmithery.

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  12. A downward spiral indeed. I read it three times and also enjoyed "slowsouring" Just love the way your poetry evokes emotion.

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  13. Yes, a downward spiral...Life has choices..we can have honey or vinegar...sometimes both. lol

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  14. Hedge, you write this kind of verse beautifully, and with feeling. Blow the iambs, I say! But I agree that syllable counting results in free verse rather than metrical form.

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  15. From the opening line there was an inevitability ... as Sherry writes, a downward spiral .. I knew what was coming.

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  16. Uh. It feels like me in the past. I've stopped asking for vinegar now. I'm allergic to the flies. And I don't want the "cancelled face"! Did you just say that! Cancelled Face!! I'll never ever want for vinegar now!! Oh god, it's brilliant.

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  17. slowsouring soul... amazing phrase!

    http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2013/02/17/runners/

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg