Sunday, April 21, 2013

Pieces of Moon



Pieces of Moon



Four Lunes




The wind's a stiff broom
tears of snow
clean the scratched moon's face

~*~

The heart's star falling
just a spark
in sapphire void

~*~

The unwise lover
did as told
but the moon still set

~*~

Water rolls off old
fingerprints
 greasy on the soul






posted for    real toads
Sunday Mini-Challenge: Lunes
Grace challenges us to write a form invented by poet Robert Kelly to make the intent of Japanese haiku more natural to write in English. The form, called the lune, is three lines, with a syllable count of  5-3-5.





Photo: Drops of Storm,  © joyannjones 2012




24 comments:

  1. Beautiful lunes Hedge ~ I particularly like the sharpness of the first (The wind's a stiff broom) and emotional prick of the last one (water rolls of old fingerprints) ~

    Thank you for participating in Sunday's Challenge ~

    Grace

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  2. nice! i like the third one best. cautionary tale!

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  3. These are all fantastic. I love the first one and would love to see an illustration painted for it.

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  4. Gorgeous! The third is my favorite.

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  5. Beautiful well crafted lunes,,,as with some others, the last is my favourite only because I relate to it,,,I enjoyed them all very much,,,

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  6. I love lunar shards!

    I have just been working on something moonbased (ehhhm)

    it holds such sway over both our imaginations and our physical
    existence doesn't it? a vital part of us, maybe some kind of mother
    or sister, totally feminine somehow . . . as I project, everything appears female lol . . . I never liked the man of moon or man being ON the moon!

    Every fragment of rock here holds something for me to bite into:
    the scratched face, spark, fingerprints all capture my scopes
    smudged lens.

    at this time of year we have these blue sky moonscapes: we had a great one yesterday and hopefully today . . . they are beautiful but somehow sad but I love them!

    cheers hedge

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    1. Thanks Arron--I think I've written more poems on the moon than anything except maybe the devil. (Or love--is there a difference here?) Look forward to seeing what the moonbeams bring forth in your lunatic's kaleidoscope.

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  7. They all echo across heart strings. The first reminds me of the last grip of winter before Springs thaw. (Hugs) Indigo

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  8. the second one is so.powerful, really great

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  9. Each of these impresses, with your always original language. The first one is my favorite. The wind a "stiff broom" and the moon's scratched face. Fantastic images.

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  10. Such a beautiful image and each poem is a joy - pun unintended but it works :-)

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  11. I'm mooning over your lunes! Each is so powerful and beautiful.

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  12. All your pieces of moon are beautifully done, Joy, and each so different. I love the second, and can relate to the fourth.
    K

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  13. Oh, I enjoyed these pieces of the moon. You do have a way with words..well crafted.

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  14. I agree with MZ; that third one is the one that got me.

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  15. Enchanting beauty you have painted ;D

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  16. Hedge, that pic was breathtaking.

    What I truly loved about this post was your cascade of Moon Lunes, and in particular the final stanza, "fingerprints... greasy on the soul..." How did you come up with that brill line? Well, of course, it was your clever witchy noggin!

    One suggestion: The "five" in the third lune might be satisfied with "in the sapphire void," no? Just a thought, and pls. take no offense. It's my OCD. Besides, you'll probably count mine and find the same!!

    Enchanting. Encantante, mi amiga. Amy

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    1. Glad you enjoyed, Amy, even my silly pic--I am the world's worst photog. On the syllable count--you must pronounce sapphire differently--I get five: in sa/pphi/re void. Perhaps I'm not drawling enough, but that's how I say it, three syllables for sapphire. Frankly, I would like to add a lot of words to these, as they all seem truncated to me, but I was playing by the rules. ;_)

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  17. Lune number three is my favorite ... and here I sit, at my computer, munching on BBQ Pulled Pork ~~ with greasy fingers!!!

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  18. a wonderful series. there is much to love about each one. your first, so physical- it had me touching my own cheek. and the paradox of your third one is repeatedly enchanting.

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  19. Wonderful - especially like the last two - They are all terrific - but well the third has this great Japanesey-wise feel - very easy to relate too, and uses the distillation of the form so well; that gaps so telling. k.

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  20. Wonderful loved all of them. Saw a vivid imagery painted by each of them from the traditional to contemporary

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  21. Oh, these are wonderful. I love the image of water rolling off greasy fingerprints. And the spark in the sapphire void; that one sticks with me. So beautiful. Thank you.

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'Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance' ~Carl Sandburg