Glass Ring
Let
me
ring like
a bell of
glass, one clear sweet note
before I break into silence.
~September, 2013
posted for real toads
Challenge: Words Count with Mama Zen
The often sparsely syllabular Mama Zen has asked us to write a poem which somehow reflects the number eight. This is a fibonacci poem(1/1/2/3/5/8) with 8 syllables in the last line (and also, eight lines counting title and date.)
Ooo...beautiful, Hedge!! I love a great fib!! The play on sound in this is exquisite! Perfect image picked for this, too. :)
ReplyDeletenice.
ReplyDeletesweet, taut, smoothly spoken aloud, closes with sibilance
ReplyDeleteWow. This is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful clarity
ReplyDeleteCool poem and what a friggin stunning photo!
ReplyDeleteI love your multiple meanings in "break" and "ring," to me the implication being that an engagement ring or wedding ring (if not literal, then the symbol) is made of glass rather than diamonds. "Break into silence" is a phrase drowning in unspoken pain. This relationship is shattering you, but you crave one last sweet moment together before you disappear inside yourself. Not being with this person will me that you completely lose your "voice," your identity.
ReplyDeletePerfect pic, poem, passion!
ReplyDeleteI love the inferences of meaning in your last line, Hedge. This is the perfect poem for this date.
ReplyDeleteare you sure this is joy? i think that is the least number of words i have ever seen you use...smiles....ring that bell, thats what i say....
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ha ... (sorry, I couldn't help laughing)
DeleteAgh, Beautiful! Really lovely. Just love that breaking into silence, such a wonderful reversal - an instant favorite - so clever and so right. And the glass ring such a funny play on brass ring too. Just great. k.
ReplyDeleteI love this.
ReplyDeleteK
Such a beautiful example of the form....I love "break into silence"
ReplyDeleteVery nice. I love the sound, the feel, the wording, the picture - I just love the whole darn thing! Be u tee ful.
ReplyDeleteWhat a glorious wish. I think you ARE a glass bell any time you take up your pen.
ReplyDeleteI hear the tinkling .. the sweet sound of silence.
ReplyDeleteThis is remarkable! It flows so seemingly effortlessly that I didn't even recognize it as a Fib at first! And it can be taken at so many levels. Gr8 job!
ReplyDeleteEvery single word utterly perfect! I can HEAR that bell!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it is the wine, but I am looking at that far glass near the bottom ... falling "breaking into (the) silence. I'm hearing the beauty of the rings, followed by catastrophe. Puts me in mine of 9/11.
ReplyDeleteYup, too much wine. :)
mind of 911.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deletesimple and pitch perfect joy.
ReplyDeleteI have been giving a great deal of thought to length recently
(with regards to poetry you understand :) and this PO really seals the deal, as I see it referring to itself, in terms of sharp impact.
I must give some hard thought to this structure
and with some exercise it may inform my practice.
a glass bell. YES. CRACKING!
Looks like an act from The Ed Sullivan Show!
ReplyDeleteI'm old enough to resemble that remark.
DeleteThe phrase "breaking into silence" stopped me in my tracks, Hedge. Also, I cannot believe I recognized a Fibonacci before reading the process notes! Every syllable is a gem... so glad this was on the roster at Toads. Amy
ReplyDelete(PS I remember Topo Gigio, too...!)
So powerful!
ReplyDeleteJoy,
ReplyDeleteMy normal offering of over-analysis definitely not called for here...enough to say that you've stated something perfectly within the chosen form. Fine work.